


With a Touch of Blue

by Windify



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, BAMF Leonardo (TMNT), Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Gen, Good Older Sibling Leonardo (TMNT), Good Parent Splinter (TMNT), Hurt/Comfort, Leonardo-centric (TMNT), Memory Loss, Mind Control, PTSD Leonardo, Partial Mind Control, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Donatello (TMNT), Protective Leonardo (TMNT), Protective Michelangelo (TMNT), Protective Raphael (TMNT), Psychological Torture, Sibling Love, Temporary Amnesia, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28790730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windify/pseuds/Windify
Summary: Leonardo has been missing for nearly four months, but now they get him back. Hurt, scared and without any memory of his family or himself, the others have to help bring back Leo his memories.
Relationships: Casey Jones/April O'Neil (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Leonardo & Splinter (TMNT)
Comments: 100
Kudos: 124





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my (first) multi-chapter Leonardo-centric story. I had this idea when I couldn’t fall asleep and just had to write it, so that’s how this story came into existence. 
> 
> Please read the tags and be aware that there is violence. I mean, come on, it’s based on the 2003 incarnation and that was pretty dark, I’d say. Still, I’ll try to put TW warnings in the notes.
> 
> Although I’ve been writing since I was like, ten or something, this feels so much different than writing in Czech which is my mother tongue. Buckle up, cuz I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. But, well, I hope it’ll be worth it. xD
> 
> Well, I hope you’ll enjoy it.

Cold night wind whistled in his ears, slightly shielding his senses. He was hiding in the dark, although he knew no one was around. He used the night to his own profit, as it was easier to hide and move without the daylight.

He jumped from one rooftop to another, his eyes closed. All of his moves were automatic, learned, his body recognized the city, even when his mind was still groping in the dark. He leaned against a water tower and crouched down so he could watch the streets below, frowning a little.

He didn’t know what exactly made him go to New York, but when he finally arrived, it felt… right. It was a long way from Nevada, yet he had made it, all because something in his very soul was calling him here.

But his senses had never failed him, not when he was in Nevada, nor when he was travelling. After all, New York was way better than the people hunting and chasing after him back there.

He took a deep breath, trying to chase away somber memories of tremendous pain and agonizing loneliness. Instead, the well-known feeling of oblivion came up.

He hated that feeling. He hated it from the first moment after waking up in the desert without any knowlege of what was he doing there or even who he is. He knew what he is, though – a mutated turtle. He knew he has to hide from people, he knew he can’t be seen.

He had learned that he knows how to fight when he run into people for the first time.

He took down nine armed men without even breaking a sweat. He was the only one who came unharmed from that fight, and since then, he put all of his trust in his senses and gut feelings, always listening to what was his subconscious trying to tell him.

That was why he had ended up here, roaming through New York. He was tired, exhausted even. He was awake for nearly three days. Even though he sneaked inside some truck to move faster, he couldn’t sleep. He felt restless and edgy, the unknown setting keeping him alert all the time. He didn’t know whether he was safe or not, he didn’t know what was awaiting him in New York, he didn’t even fullly know what was he capable of, for shell’s sake.

And that was another thing. The words, the vocabulary. He didn’t know why it was so different from humans’ in some manners, but it was and he didn’t even thought about using people’s words. He had tried, after hearing some people spit curses at him, but it just wasn’t right, so he stuck to the modified form.

But that wasn’t all, because apparently, whatever happened to his memory, it hadn’t affected his skills. The fighting wasn’t the only thing that came with ease, no. He was also excellent at stealth and planning and, apart from English, he knew Japanese.

Finding out all of that, he really wondered what was his life before the pain and constant confusion.

He sighed, shaking his head. The night was still young, the sun set down only two hours ago. He couldn’t sleep before sunrise because, although there was more people in daylight, they didn’t usually look around for strange mutants.

Night, however, hid many dangerous enemies who wanted to kill him. He was talking from experience.

Suddenly, he froze. His eyes roved around, searching in the dark for any threat. Something was different. Not wrong, per se, but something changed. He didn’t know what and it was making him nervous, the uneasiness he had felt even worse right now.

He let go of the water tower, cautiously walking closer to the edge of the roof before jumping down, landing on his tiptoes. Silently, without making any sound. He stood up, straightening only a little, assuming a defensive stance with his hands raised.

Waiting for a few seconds, he stood still. Nothing happened, no one came. The wind finally stopped, but that was probably because he was surrounded by buildings.

Although nothing looked extraordinary, he still moved. It wasn’t a good idea to stay in one place, definitely not when he had had the need to check out for threats. He should have stayed up as it was safer, but the streetlights were deployed in a distance that allowed him to stay in the shadows.

It was easy to cross the streets and avoid the few people he met. Mostly it was just groups of tipsy teenagers who weren’t paying attention to him anyway, so it was an easy task.

He ran a few blocks before stopping, diving into an alleyway right next to some antique shop. A shiver ran down his spine when he spotted the title, the big _2nd Time Around_ catching his attention.

He hid behind a dumpster, his breath slightly accelerated. The name sounded familiar and a memory of broken glass and screaming popped up in his mind, making his head hurt.

He had been here. Before. It was the only explanation he could find.

But the faint memory was far from pleasant, so he had to be wary. His mind fought with his body, though – he wasn’t tense, he was quite relaxed, actually. 

That changed as soon as he heard the footsteps and hushed voices. He looked around, trying to figure out the fastest way up, but he was too slow. The shop’s side door facing the alleyway he was hiding in opened, a lightbulb above the door lit up. He pressed against a wall of the opposite building, trying to blend into the dark.

“– lling you, Casey, no one’s here.”

Two people came out, man and woman. She had red hair and was dressed in blue shorts and purple oversized t-shirt. She was tapping her foot impatiently, hands on her hips. The man’s chest was bare, he was wearing only sweatpants, but he was holding a baseball bat.

“And I’m tellin’ ya, Don’s sensors picked up somethin’, and his sensors are never wrong,” the man – Casey? – answered. He swung his bat, nearly hitting the woman, but she just dodged, obviously used to this.

He rolled his eyes. He had faced worse weapons than baseball bats. He had guns and tasers pointed at him, yet he was still alive and as much healthy as he could be. This wouldn’t be much of a fight.

He stayed still, just watching those two.

The man walked out of the shop, coming closer to him, but not close enough to see him. “Ya can never be too sure, April. Not with all the Foot ninjas, not after… what happened.”

After that, she didn’t say anything, just walked closer to the man and started looking around with the man.

He noticed the flaslight she was holding too late, namely when she pointed it exactly at him and turned it on.

She shreaked and the man immediately lifted the bat, but then they all froze, staring at each other. The woman dropped the flashlight, covering her mouth with her hands. “Leo?” she whispered breathlessly, stretching out her shaking hand. “Leo, is… is that you?”

He eyed the two of them, instinctively reaching back as if to grab something from his shell – something that wasn’t here. He had done it a couple of times already while facing his opponents.

Did these two know him? It was possible, as they hadn’t run away screaming when they first saw him. But if so, were they his enemies? After all, they were humans, and humans were bad. “Who the shell are you?” he hissed, ready to fight or flight.

“Leonardo!” The man swung his bat, jumping at him, and well, that was enough for him to decide his next actions.

He dodged, ignoring the woman’s scared “Casey, no!” and leaped on the fire escape above him. It took him mere three seconds before he was up on a roof again and running away without looking back.

His mind was racing just as much as his heart. Something in him wanted to turn around and come back, but the rational part of his brain won this little dispute.

The two people, however, stayed in his mind even after he eventually stopped and hid so he could finally rest.

 _Who were they?_ was the question going through his mind while he was falling asleep.

_And who the shell was Leonardo?_


	2. Evil Clone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain: “You know that if you want to finish your own book this year, you should work on it, right?”
> 
> My newly discovered need to torment Leo and The Boys: “Haha, nope.”
> 
> [This is chapter 1, in fact, but well, AO3 has that weird numbering so whatever.]

“April, this isn’t funny.” Donatello, just like his brothers, was close to crying. They were all glaring at their close friends, trying to stay calm. “Are you absolutely sure that the… person you have seen was Leonardo?”

“How many five feet tall, green, mutated ninja turtles do you know, Don?” She threw up her hands, groaning in desperation. “Of course I’m sure. It was him. He didn’t have his mask or swords, but I recognized him. If it wasn’t for your sensors, I wouldn’t even know where to point the light. He was practically invisible, just like always.”

Casey furiously nodded. “And when he turned ’round he had the scar on his shell. Ya know, the one Karai did when she stabbed him.”

“But why would he run away?” Mikey asked silently, voice shaking. Both brothers placed their hands on his arms supportively. “I don’t get it!”

Splinter rubbed his whiskers, whipping his tail from side to side. “You said he did not recognize you?”

“He asked who we are.” April ran her fingers through her hair. “I just… he looked so cold and _scared_ , as if he was afraid we would hurt him.”

“I scared him,” Casey growled. “He ran away ’cause of me!”

“You couldn’t know he’d do that,” April objected. She touched Casey’s arm in a calming gesture, looking back at the mutants, silent plea for them to trust her. “We both didn’t. We thought he’d finally come home…”

“We know you meant no harm,” Splinter assured them. He smiled, even though the smile didn’t reach his eyes and his voice was sad. “But if what you are saying is true, then it looks like my son has lost his memory.”

April’s apartment fell silent as they all tried to grasp the true meaning of his words. It felt impossible, trying to imagine that Leonardo would forget them. Leonard, who always watched after them, Leonardo who put their needs before his own.

“Is it… is it possible?” Michelangelo whispered, suddenly sounding so small and young.

“Definitely,” Donatello nodded. His eyes were distant as his brilliant brain fought with his emotions. “We don’t know where he has been, what had happened to him. It could be literally anything and… and…”

Splinter rubbed his shell, smiling at him slightly. “We understand, Donatello.”

“We have to find him.” Raph crossed his hands on his plastron. “We should be looking after him already but instead we’re standing ’round and talking!”

Don shook his head. “We all want to bring him home, Raph, but we should discuss it. We don’t even know if he’s still in New York. And even if he is, we don’t know where to start. The city is huge.”

“That’s just another reason to start searching _now_!”

“What if it isn’t him, Raph? What if it’s just some evil clone, Shredder’s next weapon or something like that?”

“Well ya can’t know that if we don’t even see him!”

Michelangelo jumped between the two brothers, hands up and fingers touching each other’s plastron. “Then why don’t we just start looking on his usual spots? Like, I know he has apparently lost his memory, but from what April and Casey said, it looks like he can ninja his way out of their sight. Maybe there’s more he remembers. Unconsciously.”

Both Don and Raph quieted, blinking. “Mikey has a good idea?” the red-masked brother asked.

“Mikey has a good idea,” the inventor nodded slowly. “I mean – we have been training our whole lives. Ninjutsu is practically our instinct, just like, I don’t know, breathing or swimming.”

Michelangelo jumped, eager to leave. “Great. Let’s go then –”

Splinter cleared his throat, stopping all of them before they could literally jump out of the window. “Aren’t you forgetting something, my sons?”

They all frowned, looking at each other. They had their weapons, their shell cells, what could they forget? “Um, no?” Mikey said hesitatingly. “I don’t think so?”

Splinter sighed, pointing at the two humans. They had called them as soon as Leonardo disappeared, meaning that by now it was more ‘early morning’ than ‘late night’ but even though they were silent when the turtles argued, they both had determined looks on their faces. They didn’t want to stay behind.

“Ah,” the three ninjas mumlbed. Don looked down sheepishly: “Sorry guys, we just –”

“We get it.” April covered her mouth when she yawned. “But we want to help find him. The more of us out searching, the bigger the chance of finding him is,” April added, very well knowing that no one can say anything against the obvious.

“Alright.” Don took out his shell cell, shaking it in his hand. “Leonardo’s always had covered nearly every area in New York. Damn his strategic tendencies because that only gives us more places to look at.”

“Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo – you three will go together,” their father decided. He raised his hand, stopping his sons’ protests before they could even start. “If you are the ones who will find him, it would be better if you were together.”

In the end, they didn’t argue. After all, in the past four months that Leonardo was missing, they only had one another. The loss of their oldest brother affected them like nothing else could and they had to be strong together.

The three brothers looked at each other again and Splinter could see the hope, desperation and love in their eyes, knowing they all understood why he had told them to go together.

“Hai, father,” Raph mumled, a hint of urgency in his voice. “But can we go now? _Please_?”

Their Sensei moved his hand, giving them silent permission.

They were gone before anyone could even blink.

~~~

He knew someone was nearby, he could sense them even though they were deadly silent.

Three. He sensed three enemies. And they were enemies, because no one else moved around like that. At least no one who wouldn’t want to hurt him.

He nearly groaned but managed to stop himself just in time. That would be a really stupid mistake.

Well, he shouldn’t complain. It was a miracle he even get more than two hours of sleep, after all. Judging by the rising sun, he was asleep for seven, which should be enough for him to move swiftly and fight vigorously.

He got on his feet, moving only a little. He wasn’t making any sound but sensing the three enemies, he knew he couldn’t count on his abilities, because they were moving with the same grace and invisibility as him.

Walking from the corner of the dilapilated warehouse he was hiding in, staying in the shadows away from any sunlight, he realized he was wrong.

They weren’t near, no. They were already here.

Not wanting to be catch unprepared, he attacked first. It wasn’t hard to find his opponents because, even though they were maybe the quietest enemies he had ever faced, he was still better. After all, he had to be, when he hadn’t had any knowledge of who he should consider good and who bad.

Without looking into the darkness surrounding him, he kicked one of them right in the stomach, surprised when he felt something hard instead of soft human flesh, but the yelp his enemy gave was satisfying enough. But this was no time to celebrate, not yet at least.

“Leo, no! Stop it!” he heard one of them yell, the name resonating in his mind. That was the second time he had heard it. Were they screaming for the one he had kicked?

No, that didn’t sound right, that didn’t make any sense.

“Leo, we don’t wanna fight ya!”

Was… was his name Leo?

One way or the other, he wasn’t willing to listen when they could hurt him.

He turned around, blocking the incoming punch with his forearm, stepping to the right just in time to dodge a blow from bō. He clenched the staff under his arm, curling his fingers around the wood, and then pushed back, making the bō hit its owner.

He heard groaning and something in him froze at the painful sound, but his reflexes made him move out of the way of a nunchaku. The first one was back and fighting, then.

Crounching down, he tripped up the attacker’s legs, making him fall to the ground. The third enemy used his distraction to attack him from behind, jumping on his shell. But he quickly moved, gripping the third opponent’s arm and throwing him across his own head.

Then he froze completely, because the third attacker landed in a spot lit by the morning sun, and he wasn’t expecting what he saw.

Because the opponent looked like him. His skin was darker, similar to an emerald green, and he wore a red bandana that covered his eyes and face. He had protective knee and shoulder pads, along with a belt that held two sais. But all the gear aside, he was a mutant turtle, that was without doubt.

“Who are you?” he finally asked silently, watching the red turtle like a hawk. “ _How_ do you know me?”

The sai wielder eased his stance, lowering his hands. “We’re your brothers, Leo,” he answered softly.

His heart stopped. No, no that wasn’t possible. It was _not_ _possible_. “It… it can’t be.”

“It’s true, Leo. I _know_ ya can tell it’s true.”

It couldn’t be. There was no way he would be able to forget his family. What kind of a brother would he be, then?

He sensed the other two sneaking to him from both sides and he jumped automatically, kicking both of them at the same time and sending them on their shells.

Despite the sincerity in the red-masked opponent, he had to be lying. Why would the other two try to attack him again, otherwise?

The nunchaku fighter groaned. “I’m sure this is our Leo and not some clone, Don.”

“You’re telling me, Mikey. I’d recognize that split kick anywhere,” the one with bō agreed, moaning.

He just stood here, undecided what to do now. Should he fight until they were unconscious? Should he run? Should he surrender? Were they his enemies, or were they truly his brothers?

His mind was racing, all the thoughts made his head hurt. Shell, he knew them, that was the only thing he was certain of. His instincts were telling him that these mutants are familiar but it could be just another trap.

“If you are my brothers, why did you attacked me?”

The red one twisted his sai. It wasn’t an aggressive gesture, it seemed more like a nervous tic. “Ya attacked us first!”

“Raph!” Don – at least he assumed his name was Don – shouted at him. The two moved, raising from the ground and standing next to Raph. He could now see that Don wore purple bandana while Mikey had an orange one. “We didn’t want to attack you, Leo,” continued Don slowly as if he was talking to a scared animal. “Not when we know you can beat our shells blinded.”

Well, that was reassuring, in a certain way.

His eyes roved from one turtle to another. “What… what’s ‘Leo’? Is that my name?”

He saw them clench their fists in sudden anger and he was close to flinching, but it didn’t look like they were angry at him, so he stayed still.

“Yeah,” Mikey scratched his head. “Well I mean, your name’s Leonardo but we just call you Leo. Just like I’m Michelangelo, but it’s too long so we short it to Mikey.”

Leonardo.

That was… fitting, he would say. The name was giving him one of the weird feelings when he knew something was true but couldn’t figure out _how_ he knew it was true. He both loved and hated the feeling, because for a second he felt more like his own self, just so he could return back to the cold reality.

He looked at the other two turtles, cocking his head: “And your names? Don and… Raph?”

“Donatello,” the purple one explained. “And he’s Raphael. But as Mikey said, we use mainly our nicknames.”

“Listen,” Raphael stepped closer to him and he immediatelly stepped away, keeping his distance. Raph froze with his hand raised, breathing deeply. “Listen,” he said again, “we don’t know what happened to ya or where have ya been. So if ya could te –”

He flinched abruptly, silencing the turtle. He dived into the silence, carefully listening to their surroundings.

Voices. They were quiet, but they were definitely voices. As they were coming closer to them, he looked at the turtles who claimed to be his brothers, eyes wide open. “You brought humans here?” he snarled at them, furious.

Something in him cracked. He let himself hope just to be betrayed.

They shook their heads and Donatello stretched his hand towards him: “Wait, Leo – they won’t hurt you!”

There was no way he would stay here and allow them to capture him. People were no good.

He bolted away. Escape was safer than fighting when he didn’t know what weapons the humans had.

But this was a mistake, because he didn’t see, nor sensed that someone sneaked up on him from behind, and when he did notice, it was too late. He heard mumled “Forgive me, my son” before something hard collided with his head, instantly making the word spin around him.

He swayed on his feet and the world faded into welcoming darkness even before he felt himself collapse on the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing what should be Brooklyn accent is hard as the turtles’ shells, not gonna lie. 
> 
> Btw, the turtles are 5'2" (157.48 cm) tall. They are the same height as me, I feel valid –


	3. Big Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh. I ordered three regular throwing knives but they send me two kunai instead. I’m not even complaining, I’ve wanted to buy kunai anyway (and definitely not just because of the S02E10 “The Ultimate Ninja” episode, nu-huh). xD

“I don’t like it.”

“No one likes it, Mikey.”

“He’s our brother, for shell’s sake!”

“We _know_ , Mikey, but what do you want to do? Handcuff him to the bed? If we tie him down, he will never trust us.”

The harsh words silenced the orange turtle and he nearly forgot he was supposed to be pretending he was asleep. He inhaled just in time to not fall out of rhythm.

“It’s bad enough we had to knock him out, Mikey,” added Donatello, this time much more softly.

Yeah, he remembered. His head still hurt, although that was could be because all of the chaotic thoughts that were running through his mind.

He listened closely but they were silent now. Realizing he won’t hear nothing else, he quickly considered his options. He could pretend he’s asleep until they leave, but something was telling him they wouldn’t do that. That meant he had to open his eyes, because no matter how good he was, even he couldn’t find a way out of a new place without seeing.

“Guys.” He recognized Raphael just a few steps to his left. “I think he’s wakin’ up.”

Well, that solved his dilemma.

He slowly opened his eyes, blinking rapidly to chase away the unexpected brightness. He moved, trying to feel some shackles but there was nothing that would hold him down, just like Donatello had said. He lifted his head, trying to map his surroundings as quickly as possible.

The first thing he noticed was a high ceiling covered with pipes. He was sure he could hide in there, which was good.

The second thing he realized was that he was lying on something soft. Not just gathered blankets or old sacks in the back of a truck, but there was actual mattress under him.

The shock didn’t even wear off and he was looking around again. He was in a big room, someone’s bedroom propably, based on the furniture. The room was neat and organized. There wasn’t many things, but the ones that were here all looked well taken care of and domestic. It felt cozy, familiar.

“Carefully, Leonardo,” he heard someone new say. He twitched his head, sitting up sharply, his fingers twitching. Not because the owner of the voice was dark grey mutant rat, but because he was the one who took him down. “You are safe here, my son.”

Wait, what? _Son?_

“Where am I?” he asked curtly. “Who are you? What do you want from me?”

Raphael crossed his arms over his plastron. “We told ya. You’re our brother.”

And then they fought him, brought humans to him and knocked him out. He glared at the red-masked turtle, hoping that he could hear the unspoken words. “Where am I?” he repeated.

“You’re home, Leo,” Mikey whispered. “In our lair. This is your room.”

That made him look around once more. Everything was strange and unknown.

He felt numb.

“You don’t recognize anything, do you?” Donatello asked silently.

He shook his head slowly, watching them as they looked at each other woefully. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know why he said that, for all he know they could still be deadly enemies. But their mournful expressions made him angry, not at them but at himself, because he was the one causing their sadness.

He didn’t know _what_ made him feel that way, but whatever it was, he couldn’t resist it. Maybe that was why he hadn’t attacked yet, why he hadn’t tried to escape.

Damn the faith he had in his senses.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” the rat assured him. “I know this is confusing.”

 _You have no idea_ , he wanted to say. He rubbed his eyes, feeling very tired despite sleeping for who knows how long. “And who are _you_?”

“My name is Splinter.” The mutant stepped closer to him, looking directly into his eyes. “I am your father, your teacher and Sensei.”

They stared at each other in complete silence as he analyzed the nuances in Splinter’s voice. He sounded sincere, his aura radiated peace and safety, something that certainly didn’t match with rendering him unconscious.

Eventually, he nodded. “Alright.” Weirder things happened to him, having a mutant rat for a father wasn’t even in his top five. “Wait. Sensei?”

Michelangelo chuckled. “That’s right. Cuz we’re teenage mutant ninja turtles, dude! Master Splinter teaches us all we know. All you know.”

He inhaled deeply, trying to stay calm. That would explain awfully lot things, actually. “Ninja… teenage… how old I even am?”

“Eighteen,” Donatello answered instantly. “We all are.”

The orange turtle grinned at him. “I’m the youngest, meaning I’m the bestest and coolest.”

Raphael smacked the back of his head and Leonardo tensed, frowning. He was close to saying that he should do that to his brother, but something in the gesture was familiar. And if they were all ninjas, Michelangelo could easily dodge, right?

Don sighed. “Anyway, I’m the second youngest. Raph is the second oldest and as you can tell, you’re the eldest.”

He froze. According to their words, he had not only forgot that he has brothers, but he was apparently the oldest.

Shell. He already figured out he was bad brother because he couldn’t remember, but this meant he was bad _big_ brother.

“Don’t do that, Leo.”

He looked at Raphael, confused. “I’m not doing anything.”

Raphael shifted his weight, probably unconfortable with the sudden attention he got from all of them. “Ya have that distant look in your eyes. Ya maybe don’t remember anything, but we do. It’s not hard to tell what you think.”

Donatello hummed in agreement. “You look like that when you think you did something wrong.”

“Or when you think you let us down,” Michelangelo added.

“Which is bullshit,” Raph finished.

Maybe he should be flattered that they know him so well, but it actually made him angry. Angry at them for knowing him, angry at himself for not remembering, angry at whatever happened that made him forget.

He finally got up from the bed, ignoring a sharp spike of pain that bolted through his head. “It’s really comforting that you all seem to know everything about me,” he nearly hissed. They flinched, hurt and possibly scared, but this time, it didn’t matter to him. “It’s nice to know that I have a family I don’t remember. That I have brothers – younger, little brothers that were probably worried about me while I didn’t even know you exist.

“I bet you have questions, but so do I.” He wasn’t even talking to them at this point, he just let all the piled stress out. “Ever since I woke up in that desert, I have wondered what happened. Why I had the strong need to travel to New York, why was everyone I met attacking me, why I can’t remember anything. I don’t even know who I really am!”

He was screaming, confused and frustrated. They just kept talking like he should know what was going on, like everything would be alright from now on, but how could anything be possibly all right when he didn’t even know _himself_?

He flinched when a furry hand landed on his arm. “You have a difficult path, my son, but you do not have to walk it alone. We maybe do not know how you feel, but we are still your family. Allow us to help you, Leonardo.”

“We will help you, Leo,” Donatello insisted urgently. “We’ll find a way to fix it, we will figure out what happened. We always do.”

He clenched his teeth, looking down. He didn’t know how much of a good idea that would be. He didn’t know if he should trust them, he didn’t know if they would be even able to help him.

He just – he didn’t know _anything_.

“Can you leave me alone?” He felt like he was about to cry and if that happened, he didn’t want anyone to be with him. “I – I need to think. Please.”

The hand on his arm squeezed him slightly before letting go. “Of course, Leonardo. Take your time.”

“But Sensei –” Raphael started, but Splinter silenced him with just one look.

“We will leave now. And Leonardo?” he smiled at him, his tail whipping. “You are safe here.”

He watched them leave without saying anything more. He appreciated that because he didn’t know if he would be able to listen to them without snapping again.

He listened, waiting for the click of a lock that never came.

Groaning, he sat back on the bed, hiding his head in his palms. This whole thing was a complete mess he had no control over and that was something he really despised. He couldn’t tell what will happen next, he could only guess and predict. But there was too many variables to take into account that it was making him unable to think.

“Alright,” he mumbled to himself, breathing deeply and tardily. “Everything’s alright, it’s just another new situation you have to adapt to. Come on, think. You’re good at this, you’ve got yourself out from worse things.”

He stood up, walking around the room. He searched the few cabinets, trying to find something useful, trying to find anything that could help him figure out what kind of a person he was. He found a copy of _The Art of War_ and by the cracked spine and worn-out cover the book has been read many times. There was also a folding scooter in the corner of the room, but he had decided to leave it where it was.

But probably the most interesting thing was a simple wooden stand. He examined it for a few seconds, but it was obvious that the stand was reserved for weapons. He didn’t know what exactly was supposed to be here, but as he stared at the empty stand, a strong feeling of _wrong_ and _it shouldn’t be like this_ washed over him.

His eyes wandered to the door.

He should stay here. He really should, as he had no idea where exactly the lair was – by the lack of windows and daylight he had guessed it was under the ground, which would make sense with people hating mutants – or what he would do if he managed to escape.

But at the same time, he shouldn’t stay.

He shouldn’t because what if this was only some cruel trick?

Splinter – his _father_ – had said that he was safe. He said he could take his time, but he didn’t say he had to stay here.

Slowly, not wanting to attract any attention, he tried opening the doors, ready for them to not budge for even an inch. But to his surprise, the door not only moved, but they opened completely.

_Maybe they were telling the truth. Maybe they wanted his trust, not because they wanted to use or kill him, but because they were really his family._

Maybe.

He slipped out of the room, hiding in the shadows of the hall, slowly walking towards the entrance. His jaw nearly dropped when he saw the probably common space.

The place was huge, with a high ceiling and a supporting columns covered with some blue ornaments. There was lot of free space and even a pool in the middle of the room. It looked nice, domestic.

Homely.

He shook his head lightly, looking around and – there! Quickly, thanks to the lair being poorly lit still hidden in the shadows, he made his way down toward the exit. It was easy and there was something known on the moves,as if he was used to it, to this surroundings, which made it even easier.

He was standing by the entrance within seconds, hesitating. The door were open, nothing was keeping him here.

Inhaling sharply, he stepped out of the lair to the sewers. He ran his fingers on the wall, lazily walking further to the sewers.

“You are always protecting us.”

He stilled, looking back. He didn’t even turned around the corner.

“Ever since we were little, you’ve always protected us,” Michelangelo continued softly, standing by the lair’s doorway. Tears were running down his cheeks, the sight heartbreaking. “I always knew I can count on you. It didn’t matter if I was scared of a rainstorm or didn’t know a certain kata, you were always here for us. And now we can help you, if you would let us. I know you don’t remember us, but we do.” His voice cracked and he sobbed. “I want my big brother back. And if you really are our Leo, you’ll give us a chance. So please, Leo,” Mikey whispered. “Please, don’t go.”

He swallowed, closing his eyes.

Then he stepped back to the lair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was this close *holds fingers pressed together* to make him wake up in shackles. But then I thought that he would never trust them after this, so. Yeah. Leo already has issues with himself, he doesn’t need more. 
> 
> Btw, I’ve stopped counting how many times I wrote “Donatallo” instead of “Donatello” and for some reason I found the wrong version so freaking funny.


	4. The Ninja Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what I hate on being bilingual? Being bilingual. I started writing in English, then switched into my mother tongue and realized like halfway the chapter. I swear I screamed –

He stared at the mug in his hands, slowly blowing the rising steam away. He tried to ignore the looks from the others he felt on himself.

Just a few minutes ago, he was standing on their doorsteps. Now, he was drinking a tea in the kitchen. It was obvious that the table they were all sitting around was made for five people – or, in their cases, mutants – as well that they all had their own usual seat.

The truth was, Leonardo hadn’t wanted to leave. Not really. He knew that they would know he went out of the lair. Mostly, he wanted to know what would they do. He had expected them to stop him, or at least try to, but not… not this.

He wanted to know. They knew him, knew his old self, that was for sure. He felt like he could trust them and he wanted to, shell he wanted to trust them so much.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” he said eventually when the silence started to get uncomfortable.

Donatello cleared his throat, speaking hesitantly: “I you’d agree, I’d love to examine you.”

He flinched, lifting his head to stare at him. “You want to what?” The question was cautious, said with hidden fear and defensive anger.

“Just a medical examination,” the purple ninja explained quickly. “It would be better if we knew your condition. We all can tell you have new scars and I don’t want to even think how you get them, but I’d like to know if there’s more. It would be great if we knew what you remember and if the memory loss is permanent or not.”

Once again, Leonardo looked down, bringing the cup to his lips and sipping silently. What was Donatello saying made sense and maybe it could help with figuring out what happened. “Alright,” he nodded. “That sounds good, actually.”

Donatello smiled at him, eyes gleaming. “I’m glad to hear that. According to what you said earlier, it sounds like you remember everything that happened after you, well, after you forgot. Am I right?”

Leonardo chuckled humorlessly. “Well, I remember everything since the desert. Which was,” he paused, counting. “How long was I… unconscious since our fight?”

“Thirteen hours,” Raphael answered instantly.

“Which was nine days ago,” he concluded. He was alive for eighteen years and remembered only nine days of it. Good to know. “But yes, I remember everything that happened in that time.”

They looked at each other, evidently concerned and uneasy. “Okay,” Donatello exhaled. “At least we know your ability to remember new things isn’t damaged.”

Michelangelo leaned on his elbows on the table. “And you remember things from the past. Or at least your body does.”

Right. “The ninja thing.”

Raphael snorted. “I never thought I would hear Leo refer to his skills as ‘ninja thing.’”

He glared at him. “Anyway, that saved my life more times then I can count already.”

Splinter tilted his head to one side. “How so?” He sounded worried.

“Humans,” Leonardo said simply. Shiver run down his spine just from the memories of guns and screaming and fists colliding with flesh.

They looked at each other again. “That’s another thing we’d love to speak about with you,” Donatello started, looking at his brothers for support. 

“We know humans can be bad.” Raphael leaned against his chair, fingers drumming on the table. “But not all of them. Like Casey and April – you’ve met them.”

Leonardo knew who he was talking about. After all, it wasn’t hard to remember these two – they weren’t like the other people in uniforms he had fought, or people who accidentaly saw him and ran away screaming. “Yes, the bat in his hands looked really peacefully,” he mumled although he knew Casey wouldn’t be real danger to him.

“We know how it looked but you can trust us,” Michelangelo sounded serious and that tone didn’t suit him. “They would never hurt you.”

“That’s hard to believe when humans shot at me and tased me, you know?” Logically, he knew there were good people, _normal_ people. But it was better to be prepared and catious than die because he had made some rushed mistake.

Raphael narrowed his eyes. “Who the shell shot at you?”

“I’d like to know that, too.” It was just another mystery in his already mysterious life. “But it’s hard to tell when they’re armed from head to toe.”

“That make sense,” Michelangelo huffed. “But that could also be anyone.”

“Wait.” Donatello’s head wrenched around so quickly that just looking at him hurt. “Wait, Leo. You said you woke up in a desert?”

Leonardo’s brow furrowed. He said it aloud only once and that was when he was yelling at them, he was surprised anyone even remembered that. “Well, yes?”

“Weren’t you, by any chance, in Nevada?” the purple turtle continued.

“Yes?”

Michelangelo tilted his head to the side. “Why does it matter, Donnie?”

“Think, Mikey. Nevada, desert, armed men.” Donatello stood up, walking around the table. He was scratching his chin with right hand while his left held the right by elbow. “Ring any bells?”

“Um, no? Desert, Nev – wait. Wait,” Michelangelo breathed out.

Raphael’s eyes widened in surprise. “Holy shell. You don’t think…?”

The purple ninja nodded slowly. “I do think. For now it’s the only explanation that makes sense.”

Leonardo watched them silently, trying to read the room. They all looked angry and maybe even a little sick. Splinter was digging his claws into the table, the previous ease gone all of sudden. “I’m glad you all have some kind of epiphany, but I’d welcome it if you could fill me up.”

Donatello stopped pacing to look at him. “Agent Bishop,” he said finally.

The turtle stared at him, hands around the mug. Leonardo took couple seconds to think, to search in his blind mind, but he found nothing except for emptiness. “I have no idea who that person is supposed to be. Sorry.”

Splinter placed his palm on his arm. “It is alright, my son. Right now, it is not the most important thing to know who took you as we can only guess from what you are telling us. I am just happy you are finally home with us, where you belong.”

Leonardo smiled at him. He felt warmth spread through his body as he sensed the deep love and truthness in the rat’s voice. “I feel it,” he mumled quietly. “I don’t know how, but I just _do_. Something is telling me that this is right and my senses haven’t failed me yet.”

“Now you sound like the Leo we know,” Raphael grinned. “Sappy.”

He rolled his eyes but chuckled nonetheless. There was no reason to be embarrassed over this, definitely not when it seemed like Raphael relaxed again. “Donatello,” Leonardo looked at the oddly silent turtle because he didn’t laugh with them, “are you alright?”

“No,” the purple ninja answered truthfully. “No, I’m still caught up with the Bishop theory. We don’t know it it was him who had you but the possibility is there. And in that case, I’d like to check you immediately. Please, Leo.” He sounded frustrated, like he was about to explode if he didn’t do something in the next five minutes.

Leonardo sighed but it was more resignedly than annoyed, and nodded. “Fine.” He drank up the rest of his tea and stood up, unsurprisingly followed by the others.

They moved to Donatello’s lab corner. The place was a literal mess, with papers and half-done projects all over the floor and even in the old train cart, but for some reason Leonardo wasn’t surprised when Donatello know exactly where everything was.

Donatello pushed a chair in front of him. “Sit, Leo. You too,” he looked at the rest, “anywhere you want but please, carefully.”

“In that case, Mikey should rather stand,” hummed Raphael.

“Hey!”

The red turtle grinned at the youngest who puffed in fake offense.

“Not in my lab, you two!” Donatello shouted.

They both immediately calmed. “Sorry, Don.”

And yeah, he understood. There was something dangerous in Donatello’s voice, even though he sounded light-hearted.

_Note to self: You don’t want to mess with Donatello’s workshop._

Donatello, who had been preparing things for whatever test he wanted to do, finally sat down next to him, placing a laptop on a desk by his side. “Let’s start easily. I’ll do a few physical tests like shining in your eyes or scanning you, alright?” He held a flashlight before his eyes.

Leonardo nodded and Donatello shone, examining his eyes. “Why, though? I see good.” More than good, actually.

“Yes, but I need to know if your pupils work properly. You could’ve sustain a concussion, for example.” He swung the flashlight a little. “But it’s good, you don’t have visible anisocoria and your pupils’ dilation works as it should.” He switched the light off and wrote something in his laptop. “Now, I think I don’t need to check the obvious, like speech, articulation, orientation or even behavior.”

“Or reflexes,” Michelangelo added, grimacing a little. “I think that the fight was a proof enough that he is psychically fine, Donnie.”

Leonardo looked down, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry for that,” he muttered.

“Ya don’t have to be, bro,” Raphael assured him, patting his shoulder. “I’d react the same way.”

Michelangelo, who was tactically hidden behind Donatello, cackled: “You react worse even when you know who you are and who we are, Raphie.”

“I’ll show ya, ya little sh –”

Master Splinter cleared his throat rather loudly.

“– shell,” coughed the red turtle. “I wanted to say shell, Sensei.”

Both Leonardo and Splinter shook their heads. Of course, no one believed Raphael but it would be pointless to say something. Leonardo hadn’t been with them for more than a day, yet he already knew that this was normal, that the bickering was just an act of brotherly love.

Donatello shot a warning look to his brothers. “Anyway, I’m going to scan you now.” He took a long, oval-shaped device. The scanner wasn’t huge, just big enough to fit in his hand, with a black screen-like part stretched for most of the scanner’s length. “I need you to stay completely still, Leo. This is just a roentgen – yes, Mikey, x-ray – so it won’t hurt you. It’s connected to my computer so we’ll be all able to see. It’s important because anything could’ve happened in the past four months. You could have broken your bones and they could’ve heal badly.”

Leonardo shifted on the chair nervously. He wanted to know if there was something wrong, but at the same time did not want to know. His thoughts weren’t making any sense and he _knew_ it but shell, was it flustering. “Let’s do this,” he said nevertheless and well, the encouraging smiles his family gave him were worth it.

“Stand up and stay still, please.” 

That wasn’t something Donatello needed to tell him twice. He stood up and froze completely, nearly not breathing. But this position wasn’t uncomfortable, he could spend hours like that – motionless like a statue. The other four didn’t seem fazed by this, which made sense, considering they were all ninjas.

Donatello slowly, precisely scanned his whole body and Leonardo tried not to feel naked under the device. Finally, the purple-masked turtle put the scanner down, signaling Leonardo that he can move again. This time, he didn’t sit down. Instead, all of them gathered around Donatello’s computer, waiting for the results to show, even though there was a high chance they wouldn’t know where to look.

As soon as the x-ray image showed, Donatello’s breath hitched. “What the shell,” he hissed, sounding somewhat panicky. “No. What the _fuck?_ ”

No one told him to watch his language, all of them startled with his reaction. “What?” Raphael demanded. “Don, what’s going on?”

But it looked like he wasn’t even listening to them. “This can’t be real,” he mumbled, clicking and enlarging individual images. He turned on his chair and grabbed Leonardo’s hand, examining him. Carefully, as if he was afraid he would hurt him, Donatello ran his fingers over the eldest’s skin, brushing over the scars. “I knew you were injured, we all saw the new scars but this is… this… I think I’ll be sick.”

Upon hearing that, Raphael exploded. “Just tell us what’s wrong, Brainiac!”

Donatello turned back to the computer, Leonardo’s hand still in his own. “You see this? And this and this?” He pointed at the enlarged scans and kept showing them images of various body parts. “I keep records on our bigger injuries, just in case. And these images? They’re showing at least half dozen new healed fractures. At least. Leo’s radius was broken twice recently. But all of the fractures are perfectly healed, which doesn’t make any _sense_.”

They were all silent for a few seconds, just staring at each other incredulously, trying to wrap their minds around the discovery.

“I think I’m gonna be sick, too,” Michelangelo whispered, breaking the horrified silence.

And for the first time since he had woken up, Leonardo was glad he didn’t remember anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have Turtle Vision Heat-Sensor Goggles, I’m sure they could have a RTG scanner. (Come on, it’s Donatello.)


	5. Stable Environment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m not sure if I should write them with black eyes like in the cartoon or if I should give them colored eyes (from Bayverse) so I’d be glad if you could maybe tell me what you think about it? Please?

Leonardo crossed his hands over his chest, breathing deeply. He knew they were close to panicking, and to be honest, part of him wanted to freak out too, but all in all there was no reason. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, making all of them freeze on their spots.

“How the shell this doesn’t matter, Leo?” Raphael hissed, nodding towards the images.

He looked at him, eyes solid and voice unshakable. “Because I don’t remember, that’s why. Panicking over what could’ve happened won’t help us and it certainly won’t bring my memory back. We can all see what happened, but our only chance to know _how_ it happened is to guess. And yes, certain options have higher probability than others, but why does it matter? I’m safe now, or am I wrong?”

“You aren’t wrong,” Donatello assured him immediately. “But Leo, it does matter, because from what I can tell it looks like you were _tortured_. Tortured, dammit! And excuse me for not liking the idea of someone doing this,” he pointed at the scans, at the healed injuries, “to my brother!”

He exhaled, closing his eyes. “I know,” he sighed. Memory loss or not, there was no way he would be able to think clearly if something like that happened to someone he loved, that was for sure. “I know, Donatello, and I’m sorry for saying that. There’s just so many things going on right now that I simply can’t set my mind on ‚maybe‘ or ‚probably,‘ not for this.

“No.” The purple-masked turtle folded his head in his hands, groaning. “No, I’m the one that should be sorry, Leo. I know you’re confused, that this can’t be easy for you, I merely…” His voice trailed off and he was shaking.

Leonardo reacted purely on instinct. Without even realizing what he’s doing, he grabbed Donatello’s hand and pulled him to himself. Donatello instantly burried his head in Leonardo’s chest and he tightened the grip on the younger turtle. After all, Leonardo was aware that he wasn’t the only one struggling. He may have not remembered them, but they remembered _him_. He was gone for several moths and now they had him back without any memory and well, that was nerve-wrecking for both sides.

“I wanna hug too!” someone squeaked and in the next second, he had his arms full of not just purple, but orange as well. And when he turned his head, he saw Raphael clutching at his left arm.

This was certainly unexpected. But Leonardo wasn’t complaining because the warmth that filled his heart was comforting and calming. It was something he didn’t know he could feel, but it was _nice_.

He heard Splinter chuckle. “Carefully, my sons. Let Leonardo breath.”

They immediately let go of him and although he instantly missed the heat, he said nothing. “Why don’t we continue with the tests?” he suggested. “I’m sure this wasn’t all you wanted to check?”

That proposition got Donatello into doctor mode again. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Alright, so, the bad thing is that we don’t have MRI so we can’t see what’s going on inside your brain.”

Raphael raised an eyebrow. “Well why don’t we use the x-ray, then?”

“It’s not that simple, Raph. MRI uses magnetic waves, whereas roentgen uses radiation. And yes, it could show us if there’s something in Leo’s brain that shouldn’t be there, but MRI is better for soft tissues. It’s more accurate,” Donatello explained. “The good thing is that I don’t think Leo’s brain is damaged, and before you say anything, just listen, alright? Yes, amnesia is bad, but at least there isn’t brain hemorrhage or something. Leo,” he looked right into the eldest turtle’s eyes, “I need you to be honest with me, okay? From now on, I want you to tell me if you’re in pain, no matter how small you think it is. You have a headache? You tell me. You cut yourself? You tell me. Are we clear?”

Once more Leonardo crossed his hands over his plastron, staring at the purple turtle. “Alright, Donatello.” He understood why Donatello wanted to be informed, but he already knew there was no way he’d bother them with anything until he was dying or something.

All of them looked at him and when the doctor sighed, something in the sound had told Leonardo that he didn’t trust him. “Right,” Donatello continued nevertheless. “Let’s talk about the amnesia itself.”

Sensing a possibly long talk, Leonardo once again sat down on his chair, the others doing the same. “What about that?”

Donatello pulled his laptop closer, closing the RTG images. “Let’s start simply. You said you had the urge to travel to New York, just like you said you rely on your instincts. My question is, how did you know?”

“I didn’t,” he answered after a while. “It showed on its own. When I first got into a fight, something just kind of… switched. They fired their bullets, I moved without thinking and the next thing I know is that I have five unconscious men by my feet. In that moment I realized my subconscious was paying attention to my surrounding all the time. It wouldn’t be wise to argue with my instincts.”

“Do you remember something more?” Splinter asked. “Anything could help.”

Leonardo nodded. “Well, I can tell that the tea you gave me was sencha, for example. Obviously, I know how to use technology and things in general. I found out I can speak Japanese –”

“How?” Michelangelo asked curiously. Not surprising, considering they were in United States.

He looked away, tapping his foot twice. “Um, do I have to tell? It’s embarrassing, to say it simply.”

Both Michelangelo and Raphael grinned at him. “Well, now ya have to tell us.”

Yeah, he should’ve keep his mouth shut. With a quiet, nearly imperceptible moan he looked at his hands, just so he didn’t have to look at them. “It was a stupid mistake. You see, I hitched a ride with delivery truck transporting stuff from Japan. I overheard the driver complaining about not being able to read the kanji. I sneaked behind him and read it. Aloud.”

“You’re kidding,” Michelangelo whispered.

He groaned. “I wish. I scared the man pretty badly. The good thing is that he didn’t see me. The bad thing is that he left me in the middle of the highway and just drove away, in the middle of the night.” He had to walk to the nearest city before he had found out another truck. But he lost few hours of traveling and sleeping because he couldn’t stay silent.

“Oh come on!” Raphael threw his hands. “One of the rare moments when Leo screws up and I wasn’t even there to see it!”

Donatello shook his head. “No one was, so you can’t complain.”

“Yes we can!” whined Michelangelo.

“My sons, what have I told you?” Splinter asked, even though his whiskers were twitching with holded laughter.

Leonardo was suddenly very glad he didn’t know he had a family back then, as much as he was glad that no one was there with him. He couldn’t really blame the poor delivery man for being scared, though. He was supposed to be alone and hear someone say “You’re transfering gardening equipment. Alrigh, how the shell can I read Japanese?” could be surprising, to put it mildly.

The eldest turtle looked up. “But yeah – this is how I found out I understand Japanese.”

Donatello typed something into his computer, again quite serious. “It looks like your memory comes back when you interact with something you knew. Well, the general knowledge, at least.”

“What da ya mean by that, Donnie?” the red ninja asked, frowning. “He’ll remember us, right?”

The genius bit his lip nervously. “It’s tricky, Raph. The more probable chance is that Leo’s memory will return, eventually. After all, he acts like his old self, just like we knew him, which is good. The more stable and familiar environment we set, the better. But unfortunately, there is a chance Leo won’t remember, as we don’t know how this whole thing happened.”

That sounded very encouraging, really. Yet, Leonardo looked at them solemnly. “The memories will come back,” he said firmly without a hint of doubt in his voice. “I promise. We’ll find a way.”

Michelangelo’s head whipped and he stood up suddenly. “Wait. You remember things after seeing or doing them, right?”

He nodded, brow furrowing. “I think so.”

“I have an idea.” He literally jumped out of the lab, running away. “Guys, move to the living room!”

They looked at each other, confused, but did as they were told. “I think I know what’s he doing,” Raphael mumbled. “He headed for the dojo.”

Apparently, that was enough for the other two to catch up. Their teacher rubbed his whiskers, moving his head slowly in an approving gesture. Luckily Leonardo wasn’t in the dark for long. Michelangelo soon emerged from the dojo, holding… something in his hands.

“Close your eyes, Leo!” Michelangelo yelled.

After a second of hesitation, he closed his eyes. He trusted them that whatever they were planning, it wouldn’t hurt him. Considering their reactions at literally everything, considering the tests – Leonardo really doubted they would harm him.

“You wanna have the honor, Sensei?” Michelangelo asked.

Leonardo didn’t hear the answer, but it didn’t matter because someone strapped something on his back and he felt furry hands tying a some kind of fabric around his head. He flinched a little, his breath hitching, but a quiet hum from the rat calmed him down. “It is alright, my son. You can open your eyes now.”

He obeyed uncertainly, blinking to the light – and then freezing because he was looking at himself. Raphael was holding a mirror in front of him and was grinning like a madman, but Leonardo didn’t even notice, too busy staring at his own reflection.

With trembling hands, he carefully touched the blue bandana on his head. Something in his mind clicked and he looked at the other turtles – at his _brothers_ in awe.

Orange, red, purple and blue.

It felt right, it _was_ right. He couldn’t even describe what he was feeling when the others watched him with wide smiles.

Nearly automatically, Leonardo reached to the swords strapped to his shell. He took them out of the sheats, the weight so familiar it nearly ached. “These are… mine,” he breathed out. It was more of a statement than a question because if the blue hilts hadn’t give it away, the way the katanas fit right in his hands did.

Stepping away from them, he swung the swords, slashing through the air. The moves were spontaneous, instinctive, just like fighting or reading or simply breathing. He throw one katana above himself, watching the blade rotate, and caught it just in time before it could hit the ground. With a final spin, he sheathed the katanas.

Michelangelo laughed. “Oh man, I missed this.”

“Showoff.” Raphael rolled his eyes but he was still smiling and his voice was surprisingly soft.

Leonardo grinned at them. “I’m keeping them,” he announced uncompromisingly. When he held the swords, it felt like he had found a missing piece of himself. There was no way he would hand them over, especially not when he realized that the katanas were the _something_ he was reaching for in fights. 

They all laughed. “I would not expect anything other, Leonardo,” said Splinter. “You are right. The katanas belong to you.”

Raphael clamped his shoulder. “Besides, Don said ya need stable conditions. That means ya should have what’s yours.”

“I already feel better,” he told them quickly. It wasn’t a lie, he really felt more at ease and safer. There was also the fact that they trusted him with weapons, which only assured him that staying was the right decision. He inhaled deeply. “Thank you. For everything.”

Donatello grinned. “That’s what family is for, Leo.”

“We’ll always have your back, Fearless,” Raphael nodded. “No matter what.”

The eldest turtle smirked. “And _you_ called _me_ sappy earlier.”

The pure shock on his face was enough to make the three other brothers laugh while Splinter only shook his head.

But the red-masked ninja recovered quickly. “Ya want to play it like th –”

“No arguing!” Michelangelo screamed. “And no more tests. I have much better idea. House tour! Come on!”

“House tour?” Raphael asked sceptically. “Really, Mikey?”

“It’s not a bad idea, actually,” Leonardo said thoughtfully. Well, this had been and once again was his home, so he should know where everything is. Also, he was curious if his body remembered this place – he was almost certain it did, although he would have to remind it of this, just like with everything else. “Let Michelangelo have his tour.”

The youngest turtle grabbed his hand immediately and yanked him forward, eager to show him their home. Donatello and Raphael just looked at each other and with resigned sighs followed them to the depths of their home.


	6. Unfortunately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, are you crazy? I have no idea why so many people like this, but thank you all for the kudos and comments! It keeps me motivated and I nearly scream at every comment I get. <3

Turns out his muscle memory worked even when he was amnesiac. Michelangelo said that it was unfair and kind of creepy, and honestly, Leonardo had to agree, at least with the ‘creepy’ part.

While he felt like he was seeing all those rooms for the first time, he knew which spots exactly he should avoid because of a crack in the floor or loosened pipe. He could pinpoint every hiding spot he would be completely invisible in in every room, although he pointed out only the first one. Based on his brothers’ reactions, they hadn’t known he knew that and something was telling him that it would be better if it stayed that way with the other blind spots.

“You really took your training too far, ya know?” Raphael said, brows raised. “Knowing things like that even when you can’t remember anything else.”

“Whooo, creepy,” Michelangelo repeated, his voice barely louder than a whisper. He yelped when Raphael smacked his head. “Hey!”

“I’ll show ya somethin’ creepy,” the red turtle snickered.

Leonardo sighed inaudibly. “Guys, let’s continue the tour, shall we?”

It was nothing more than a discreet stop to the possible argument, but it worked. They moved from the bathroom to the dojo, showing him which way to go to their own bedrooms while walking through the main space.

“We use both the living room and the dojo for trainings,” Donatello said. Maybe to fill the silence, maybe to keep the two brothers from bickering.

Leonardo nodded, getting along with him. It made sense. The ceiling in the main room was much higher, whereas the dojo was enclosed and smaller. That were two different settings, which was better for adaptating in the actual fight.

Despite the use, the dojo radiated familiar and pleasant energy that was making him feel safe and calm. He slowed down, allowing his senses wonder around the room. He moved on his own, walking around the room. He liked it here. This place felt like a safe sanctum. Well, the whole lair did, but the dojo just… more.

“Figured you’d like it here,” Donatello chuckled. “You spend a lot of time here. Well, we all do but you came here more often than us. Especially when you want to meditate and the living room is too loud.”

Considering the atmosphere here, it definitely made sense. He nodded because it seemed like they were waiting for at least some reponse. “Am I allowed to go here alone?”

The three looked at each other, suddenly very quiet and bewildered. Leonardo bit his toungue, already regretting that he had asked.

“Leo,” Donatello said finally, speaking slowly, “you know that you’re allowed to go everywhere, right? This is your home.”

Well, _now_ he knew. “Right,” he said nevertheless. “I just wanted to be sure.”

He scolded himself mentally. He knew he wasn’t a prisoner, he knew he could leave and that they trusted him, but it just hadn’t clicked until now.

Leonardo glanced at them, guilt spreading through his body. He had upset them, that much was clear, and he never wanted to do that again.

 _Note to self: Don’t ever imply that your freedom is restricted._ That was something he could manage, at least he hoped so. It was the bare minimum he could do for them right now, after all.

Walking past a walll with training weapons, he smiled at the three turtles to assure them that everything is alright and he meant his words. “Alright. I suppose the tour ends now. If I’m not wrong, we’ve walked all the rooms in the lair.”

Michelangelo put his hands on his hips. “You know, I’m starting to feel like you’re faking the memory loss, because there’s no way you can know there isn’t anything more.”

The eldest grinned at him. “I wasn’t _completely_ sure there isn’t any hidden room, but now I am.”

The orange ninja groaned while Raphael crossed his hands over his plastron: “Still, how could ya be so sure?”

“It’s easy,” he shrugged. “The whole lair is symmetrical. I’ve already seen the kitchen, same goes with my own room. The layout of the halls is the same everywhere, therefore the only thing I had to do was a simple math.”

Raphael moaned. “Great, now he sounds like Don. Where did _that_ came from?”

“Huh,” Donatello blinked, tilting his head to one side. “Why I didn’t know you use number and geometry? Like, obviously I knew you know it, I just never realized…”

But Leo shook his head. “That’s because I don’t, Donatello, not the way you think. I use my knowledge completely differently than you. We all do that, subconsciously. When we fight, for example, although we don’t even register it.”

The red ninja hung his hands along his body. “You know, Leo has a point.”

“He does,” the youngest turtle grinned. “That’s amazing. I don’t feel so stupid anymore!”

Raphael put his arm around Michelangelo, rubbing his knuckles against the youngest’s head teasingly. “Don’t worry, Mikey, you’re still dumb.”

“Am not!” He tried to get away but Raphael held him tightly, grinning from ear to ear.

“You are,” the older insisted, his eyes sparkling. “But don’t worry, we love you anyway.”

Finally, Michelangelo elbowed his way from his brother’s grip. “You better because you’d die without me and my cooking.”

Donatello sighed, the sound full of false sadness. “That is very true, unfortunately.”

“Hey!” Michelangelo glared at the purple-masked ninja. “What do you mean ‘unfortunately’?”

“Nothing, little brother.” Donatello patted him innocently.

“That’s bullying,” the youngest mumled. “You won’t laugh when I give you food poisoning.”

Raphael stared at him. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me.”

Leonardo, who was silently watching the whole discussion, chuckled slightly. He had no idea how they got from math to food, but frankly, he wasn’t complaining. “Speaking of, do you agree to moving back to the kitchen? I think Master Splinter went there, and if there aren’t any more rooms to go…”

“Yeah, definitely,” Donatello agreed and they all moved, walking out of the dojo back to the kitchen. “We won’t go out to the sewers, not now at least. We don’t want to keep you here, but with everything that’s been going on, I don’t want to risk it.”

“Especially with Karai’s Foot ninjas sometimes wondering around,” Raphael grumbled.

Leonardo tensed suddenly. Reaching for his swords, he spun around, suddenly cold eyes searching. His breath hitched, heart beating rapidly.

His brothers were by his side immediately. “Whoa, Leo,” Michelangelo exhaled, lifting his hands, “calm down.”

“What’s wrong, Leo?” Raphael asked worriedly, looking around for the invisible danger.

The thing was, he didn’t know. He didn’t know why that one name made him react this way, why he was so tense and ready to fight. The need to _protect_ filled his body and mind, overpowering anything else. “Who’s Karai?”

Once again they looked at each other warily. “An enemy,” Raphael said. “One of many.”

Carefully, Donatello put his hand on Leonardo’s shoulder. “Do you remember her?” The question was said softly, yet his voice sounded urgent.

His first instinct was to say ‘no’ but he stopped himself just in time, thinking about it. “Not anything in particular,” he answered eventually. “Not memories, only… feeling. I don’t like her.” That didn’t cover it. He felt pure hatred towards her, the feeling so strong it stunned him because he didn’t know why he hated her. And what more, some part of him felt _bad_ for hating her, which was confusing in contrast to the intense need to usher the three turtles somewhere safe.

“Really?” And why did Michelangelo sounded so shocked?

He nodded. “Yes. Why is it surprising when she’s enemy?”

“It’s just that we’ve never heard you say it,” Donatello explained.

Leonardo frowned, lost in his thoughts. He didn’t remember her, but he knew she’s dangerous. He knew she had done something to him – to them, but he couldn’t remember what it was. He didn’t want to ask his brothers, though, because by the way they were squirming and on edge, it was not a pleasant topic.

At last the blue-masked ninja eased his stance, lowering his hands. “No sewers,” he agreed. Not when he didn’t know anything about their enemies, not when he still had to figure out the lair itself.

They made their way back to the kitchen where they found their teacher. All four of them paused in the entrance, staring at the food on the table. “It looks like we don’t need your cooking anymore, Michelangelo,” Leonardo hummed, snapping them out of their surprise.

While the others chuckled, Michelangelo threw his hands in the air. “Sensei, that’s not fair! I wanted to blackmail Raph!”

The look their father gave him was more than telling that he had known. He must have heard them from the dojo, which wouldn’t be surprising at all. “Sit down and eat.”

“It’s been a long time since you’ve prepared food, father,” Donatello mused quietly. The indication was obvious, though – they were celebrating his return home, his return to the family.

The mutant rat smiled at him. “Eat, my sons,” he repeated kindly.

They didn’t need to be told twice. Or trice, in this situation. The food was a mic of pizza and sushi and Leonardo hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he took the first bite. He was starving, even, and before he realized what was happening, his plate was empty and his brothers were looking at him like he had grown a second head.

“Dude,” Michelangelo breathed out and Leonardo bowed his head in shame.

He hadn’t managed to apologize before Raphael refilled his plate. “Holly shell, Fearless, have you eaten since that Nevada desert?”

“Do you want honest answer?” he mumbled. He had found something in garbages, yes, but food was the last thing he could think of. With possible chasers and danger out there, he had been so tense and nervous that hunger was not primary. “I’m sorry for this.”

Donatello shook his head. “No, Leo, don’t be. Dammit, we should’ve done this the second you woke up. It didn’t even occur to me that you might be hungry.” His tone was apologic, but there was also something subtle in it, something Leonardo didn’t like.

“It’s alright, Don,” he assured him softly, looking right into his brother’s wide green eyes. “Until now, I haven’t noticed, I swear.” He looked at his other two brothers, to show them that he really means what he’s saying. It was no one’s fault, they had had much more important things to do. And he was eating now, that was what mattered.

Splinter wrinkled his brow. “Very well. But this won’t happen again, Leonardo.”

“Don’t worry, Master Splinter.” He didn’t plan on not eating. With every passing second he was safe in his home, his body eased more and more and he was becoming aware of other things he had been overlooking so far.

The unexpected tiredness hit him like a truck. He ate all the food Raphael had dumped on his plate, this time slowly, actually taking time to chew it.

“Please don’t eat anything more,” Donatello said upon seeing that his plate was nearly empty. “I don’t want you to be sick after starving for who knows how long.”

“Okay.” He couldn’t argue with logic. Alrigh, he could, but he didn’t want to because he had the feeling he would not win this argument. “Thank you, Master Splinter.”

“There’s no need to thank me, my son.” The rat studied him for a moment. “You look tired, Leonardo. Why don’t you go to bed?”

That sounded nice. Although he was knocked out for half a day after their fight, the rush of energy he had after waking up was gone now. “Okay.” He stood up, taking his plate with him to the sink and waching it because it was the least he could do.

Raphael rolled his eyes. “Let it be, Leo. Go sleep.”

Leonardo shifted his weigh, not knowing what to say, so he only nodded at them, smile on his face. Without saying anything else, he walked away. He found his room easily and once he was in, he closed the doors and faceplanted on the oh so soft bed, with his mask still on and katanas strapped to his shell.

He was out within seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is basicaly the whole chapter probably unnecessary for the plot? Maybe. Do I care? Not in the slightest, I love writing their interactions.
> 
> (Nah, don’t worry, the promised angst will be in the next chapter.)


	7. Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re on sixth chapter and still technically on the first day, what the heck. (But don’t worry, we’ll move on in the next chapter.)
> 
> Anyway, we’re slowly starting with the angst. ^^

Splinter told them to go to bed just a few minutes after Leo left. They couldn’t object, considering they hadn’t slept much while their brother was unconscious. So after they finished eating, they separated and went to their bedrooms.

Yet, not even half an hour later, Donatello was crouched over his computer, looking at his notes and scans with one lonely lamp in the corner of his lab switched on.

“You should be sleeping, Don.”

He wasn’t surprised upon hearing Raph’s voice. Looking up, he glanced at his older brother for a second before returning to his work. “I’m not sleepy.” That was a lie, one both turtles could easily pinpoint. “Besides, you’re awake, too.”

Raphael sighed. “Guess I am.” There was silence for a moment, before he shuffled closer to the purple-masked ninja, carefully stepping into his lab. “But I mean it, Donnie. You should sleep.”

Groaning silently, he let his head fell on his desk. “I know, Raph,” he nearly howled. “I know but I just – I _can’t_.”

“Yeah, that’s two of us.”

“Make that three.” Mikey suddenly appeared, holding a blanked around his shoulders. He dropped on a chair right next to Donatello, using Raphael’s plastron as the perfect spot to rest his head on. “I thought that when we got Leo back, everything’ll be alright. But I… I think it’s worse, actually. I’m scared that when I woke up, he won’t be here.”

The lair fell into silence. Raph immediatelly snuggled the youngest turtle closer to himself and Don abandoned his work to hug his little brother. They were glad that Mikey was always so open with his emotions. He was not afraid to speak up when he was hurting, and his words often corresponded with how everyone else felt, making talking about sensitive topics much more easier.

But right now, there was no need for words, their actions speaking loudly. The three brothers shared the same fear. What if this all was just a cruel dream, just a desperate imagination made up by their broken hearts weakened by months of misery and grief?

What if, when they woke up, Leo would be once again gone?

“He will be here, Mikey,” Don whispered. “He _is_ here, with us, he’s finally home.”

Raphael nodded, leaning his chin on top of Michelangelo’s head. “Leo’s real, Mikey. We all saw him, we talked to him, we hugged him.” Raph paused, tightening the grip he had on both his younger brothers. “You remember that time when we were kids and Sensei went searching for food? That time when we ran away to the sewers without Leo because we thought he wouldn’t let us go if he knew?”

Don snorted. “That’s hard to forget, Raph. We got lost and nearly drowned.”

“Yeah,” Mikey chuckled, blinking rapidly to chase away the sudden tears. “We were stupid and took the wrong turn.” They all remembered being lost in the dark, the three tots pressed together in cold water after falling down to a pit because the unknown tunnel was damaged.

“But Leo found us,” Raph continued softly, letting his emotions show. His fear of being mocked went aside in need to comfort his brothers. “He found us and saved us. That day, he had promised us that he’ll always find us, no matter what.” The red ninja pulled away from Michelangelo, just a little. “He kept his promise, Mikey. Even if he doesn’t remember, he kept his promise and found us again, because he’s our Leo, he’s our Fearless Leader and someone would have to kill the overprotective mother hen to keep him from us.”

Donatello and Michelangelo laughed at that and Raphael grinned, happy that he had managed to cheer them up at least a bit. “That’s true,” Don agreed. “And he’s too stubborn to die.”

“But he was close to dying, wasn’t he?” Mikey asked silently, sobering quickly. “With what they had done to him…” 

Don straightened up, face serious. His eyes flitted to the computer, his breath hitched. “There’s still a lot we don’t know…”

“What’ve you found, Don?” Raph asked, sensing his brother’s broaching.

The genius looked at Mikey, hesitant, and the youngest turtle instantly understood. “Come on, Don,” Mikey pleaded, “tell us. I want to know. No, I need to know.” No matter how terrifying it could be. He wasn’t made from glass to break now. Not when they went four months without Leo, not knowing where he was or if he was even alive.

“Alright.” Don pointed at the several screens he had, pulling out the scans. Mikey and Raph drew closer to him. “There’s a lot more damage I hadn’t noticed before, both smaller and bigger. Apart from the fractures, it seemed that they were – that they –” He stopped, taking a deep breath to calm down. “Shell. I can’t find the right words, but it looks like they were literally digging into his bones. The small dots you see on his femurs, here?”

Mikey flinched and Raph hissed, baring his teeth. “Why the shell someone would do that?”

“I’m not… The most logical explanation would be for bone marrow. But this is so extreme.” Donatello hid his face in his hands, shaking. When he spoke again, his voice was firm and his epxression grave. “Guys, it’s indisputable that Leo was tortured.”

The other two looked at each other, frowning a little. “I hate to say this, Don,” Mikey started and his voice was wavering, too, “but we concluded that earlier. Why bring it again?”

He was staring at them, green eyes pleading. “Because while Leo doesn’t want to address it, we have to.”

Raphael cocked his head. “But why?”

“Because we have to be prepared for when he starts to remember.”

It took them a second to understand but when they did, they both inhaled sharply. “Oh,” Mikey breathed out.

Donatello nodded, painful expression all over his face. “Yeah. And I worry that it’ll be worse than the last time.” 

They couldn’t forget how broken Leo was after they defeated Shredder, after Karai stabbed him with his own katana and damaged his shell. They remembered how moody he was, full of rage and anger and self-doubts. Had Master Splinter not sent him to the Ancient One, he could be lost forever.

He was gone for two months before he returned out of the blue, warning them about Karai who was planning on attacking them.

After they deflected the threat, they thought everything will be all right. Leo seemed more like his old-self now, soothed and wiser, even. Their life continued nearly like nothing happened, couple months of being together, the family finally happy again.

Then Leo disappeared. No trace, no info, no ransom or blackmailing. They found all his gear in an alley, together with his blood and four empty syringes formerly filled with anaesthetics.

And right when they had found him yet again, when he was with them just as he should be, they had discovered that things could be worse than before.

“We won’t let tat happen,” Raph growled. “We’ll look after him and we’ll be ready and we won’t let him down like last time.”

“We never let him down, Raphie,” Mikey said softly. “I agree that we’ll be ready, but you can’t say things like that. You know Leo wouldn’t like it, even though we think it’s true.”

Don smiled at them, grasping Raphael’s forearm. “Mikey’s right, Raph. Leo struggled with PTSD and although I should’ve realized sooner, there was nothing we could do. But now we can – and we will.”

Raphael took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Definitely. There’s no way in hell we’ll let him slip away from us again. So what can we do, Donnie? _How_ can we help him when he starts to remember?”

But it was Michelangelo who spoke up. “I think the best option is to just be ourselves,” he suggested.

Raph huffed. “We want to help him, not make him go crazy.”

Mikey rolled his eyes, ignoring the red-masked turtle. “Don said we need stability so we’ll give him stability. We know who Leo is, come on, he’s our brother. His personality didn’t change, meaning we can’t make a big deal of it if we don’t him to shut away.”

“I… think I see where you’re going,” Raph admitted, squirming a little. Although Raph didn’t like to show weakness, out of all four brothers it was Leo who had the tendency to handle things on his own. While Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo were willing to reach someone when they felt troubled, Leo had a tendency to suffer alone and assure his brothers that everything was all right, even though they clearly saw it wasn’t.

“I agree with Mikey.” Don flashed the youngest a smile, feeling proud of his emphatetic brother. “We need to monitor everything he’ll recall but we can’t push him. When he says he doesn’t want to talk about it, we’ll let him be, at least for a while. But when he asks, we should try to tell him the truth, no matter how painful it is. Deal?”

They both nodded. “Deal.”

“Great.” They gave each other a reassuring smile, but then Donatello glanced at the screens. “And I hate to be bearer of bad news, but I was not finished before.”

Raph cursed, bowing his head. “What _more_ have you found?”

“They did something to his shell.” He was talking much more quietly now, all of them flinching. Their shells were very sensitive topic, always have been. “I don’t know what. It doesn’t look worse than what Karai had done, not on the surface. Based on the scans, it looks like they inserted something _in_ him.”

“How is that even possible?” Mikey asked, horrified.

Donatello pressed his lips together. “They’d have to go through flesh, or dril into his shell. I don’t know which option is worse.”

The three turtles stared at each other in complete silence, their faces pale. “Is it still in him?” Raphael asked tensely.

The purple ninja looked down. “I don’t know,” he said softly, almost as if he was afraid. “Maybe. Maybe not. It’s hard to tell and I can only hope that whoever did it took it away, because taking it out would require complicated surgery and there’s no way I would _cut into my brother_.” His tone was getting sharper with every word, panic settling in his mind. He didn’t wanto to think about what he would need to do if something in Leo’s shell endangered him, didn’t want to think about something like surgery, because had he done anything wrong, he could damage his spine or even kill him. The thoughts were making him sick and all of sudden he didn’t have enough air –

“Hey, hey, Don!” Both his brothers were there, each holding his shoulder. “Deep breaths, okay?” Mikey instructed. “Everything’s alright.”

“No one’ll ask you to do that,” Raph assured him firmly. “No one. We’re _all_ brothers and not me, nor Mikey would ever ask ya to do something like that. Father’d agree with us.”

The genius was still breathing too quickly, nearly shallowly, but let their assurance sink in nevertheless. “Sorry for freaking out,” he mumbled.

Raph squeezed his arm. “It’s alright, bro.”

Still. He knew they would never force him to do something he wasn’t comfortable with, not really. He knew they wouldn’t hurt him so there was no reason to freak out. Don sighed, needing to move on. “It’s the last thing I’ve discovered so far.” He shook off his brothers’ hands, turning to close the images.

“It’s enough, dude.” Michelangelo got up from the chair, stretching. “We’re all tired and exhausted. There’s no point in staying up if you don’t find anything new.”

Raphael raised one eyebrow. “You’ll be able to sleep after this?”

He looked guilty. “It may sound weird, but I actually feel… better.”

But when his brothers hadn’t said anything, Michelangelo knew they felt the same. While the new informations were great fuel material for nightmares, knowing was much better than groping in the dark. They didn’t have to like the news, they hated them, actually, but that didn’t change the fact that it was calming. Because when they knew, they could do something with it.

Anything to get their brother back in one piece.

“Okay,” Don said finally. He turned the computer off and together they walked out of the lab, splitting up outside Mikey’s room.

“It’ll be alright,” Raph whispered for the last time, hugging his younger brothers tightly. “Leo’ll be fine.”

He had to be. Because without their leader, they felt completely lost.


	8. We Have A Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND COMMENTS, OH MY GODS.

Waking up gasping for breath wasn’t unexpected. It happened nearly everytime he fell asleep. Nor he was surprised to find out he had moved from his bed to the ground, unused to the softness and comfort.

But remembering what he had dreamt about, even though it was just bits and pieces, that was unforseen.

Groaning slightly, he got on his knees, stretching. The straps of the sheats moved a little while he was asleep, so he readjusted them to stop the biting pain they were causing him. Only then he allowed himself to take a deep breath, to calm his racing mind and heart.

“Remember,” he whispered. “Try to remember, Leonardo.”

Yet he didn’t know who the man in metal armor was. He didn’t remember why his ugly laugh had scared him so much he woke up, didn’t remember why a shiver ran down his spine when he only thought about it.

_“Those who are not with me are against me.”_

The man’s words echoed in his head as he tried to remember, tried to figure out who he was. An enemy, that was for sure, but which one? And why was he their enemy?

_Focus, Leonardo. Come on, you can do it._

His concentration was disrupted by quiet sound. He instantly looked at the door from where was the sound coming, listening closely. Scratching, he realized, someone was scratching at the door.

His instincts took over him as he sneaked closer. He exhaled, reaching for the door with one hand and grabbing one katana with the other, sliding the sword out of its sheath a little.

With one sharp move, he opened the door, ready to strike. Then he froze, staring incredulously. “What the shell?” Leonardo mumbled.

Right before his doorstep sat a cat. Not mutant, not even a robot, just average orange cat with white paws, belly and tip of tail. The cat meowed, watching him with knowing yellow eyes. He jumped to Leonardo, gently rubbing against the turtle’s calf.

“Oh, hey, little one,” he murmured, crounching down to take him in his arms but the cat promptly climbed out and to his shoulder. Leonardo scratched him under his chin carefully. “What’re you doing here?”

The only answer he got was just another meow and Leonardo chuckled, slightly worried. Really, where did the cat came from? There was no way this guy could sneak into the lair unnoticed, which meant that the others knew about him.

Alright, time to go out of his room. He was sure he had slept long enough, longer than he would like, even.

“I should thank you, you know?” he whispered to the cat. “I nearly forgot about that unpleasant dream.”

He walked to the main room, following silent voices to the kitchen. “Guys,” he called, catching the other turtles’ attention. “Do we have a cat or something? Because I find him in front of my room.”

Michelangelo, who was standing by the stove cooking, immediately visibly brightened. “Klunk, there you are! I was getting worried. Come to me, I have bacon.”

No one was not surprised when Klunk jumped down, headed towards the youngest turtle. “In other words,” Donatello chuckled, “yes, Klunk is Mikey’s cat.”

Leonardo blinked. “We have a cat.”

Raphael rolled his eyes. “That’s what Don just said, genius.”

“Guys,” he said slowly, “why do we have a cat when our father is literally a rat?”

Michelangelo stopped feeding Klunk and they all just stared at each other for a while. “Huh,” Raphael exhaled, “I never thought about it like that.”

“You aren’t the only one,” Donatello muttered, possibly annoyed at himself for not thinking about it earlier.

“I wonder if it was intentional, my son?” came an unreadable voice from the kitchen’s entrance and they all looked at their teacher. “Were you trying to get rid of me, Michelangelo?”

The three older turtles started giggling at Michelangelo’s terrified expression. “No!” he yelped, voice a whole octave higher. “I’d never! Come on, we just agreed we didn’t think about that!”

“Yeah, _we_ didn’t,” the red-masked turtle snickered. “But you?”

“Neither did I!” Michelangelo shrieked.

Now they were laughing openly and Splinter’s whiskers twitched, his amusement obvious. “Calm down, Michelangelo, I believe that I have trained you better than this.” The turtle nodded eagerly. “And,” Splinter continued with blank face, “should you want to ged rid of me, you would do it yourself.”

“ _What?_ ” The youngest stared at their Sensei in disbelief. “Dad, I’d nev – oh, hardy har har, quit making fun of me.”

Raph grinned. “But it’s funny.”

“Shut up or you won’t get your breakfast, Raphie.”

Both Donatello and Leonardo snorted at how quickly the hot-headed turtle took a sip from his cup to cover his laughter. Leonardo relaxed as he sat down next to his brother, the nightmare that had woken him up completely forgotten. “What time is it?” he asked. He knew it was the next day morning, that was easy to conclude.

“Seven thirty,” Don asnwered quickly. “We alway eat at the same time.”

Leonardo nodded. He didn’t plan on sleeping this long ever again either way so keeping the tradition will be simple. “Did you all sleep well?”

His three brothers glanced at each other, the look too quick but he had noticed it anyway. It felt like he was hyper-aware of their every single move, honestly. “I dunno how you two, but I slept way better than in the last couple of months.” Mikey turnend the stove off, poured the food to plates and served it. “Turtles and rat, here are your scrambled eggs. And bacon because Raph wanted bacon and I’m, unlike him, a good brother.”

Raphael rolled his eyes and Leonardo chuckled. “Thanks, Michelangelo.”

“Thank you, my son.” Splinter smiled at him, finally taking his seat too. “And I slept well, Leonardo. What about you?”

He smiled, the memory once again emerging. “Same as my brothers, I suppose,” he shrugged. “Way better than the nights I remember.”

He deduced the decision not to tell them about the dream was a good one when he saw how their faces brightened. But it wasn’t like he was lying to them – apart from the nightmare, he really slept well. He was completely dead to the world, something that happened for the first time since he could remember.

The lair felt safe. His _home_ was safe, his body and hear knew it and his mind was realizing it, too.

He didn’t doubt them anymore, he fully trusted them.

“Well, I can’t complain about sleeping,” Raph grinned, nearly inhaling the extra portion of bacon he had.

Donatello huffed. “You shouldn’t. I heard your snoring to my own room. We have brick walls, Raphael,” he said deadpan. “Brick. _How_?”

“I’m sure ya were just imagining it,” the accused turtle smirked. “I’m ninja, remember?”

“But you snore like a truck,” Mikey hummed.

Raphael waved his fork. “And you two were sleep-deprived. Thus, imagining.”

“He has a point,” Leonardo said calmly.

Don glared at them. “You can’t use logic against me!”

The red-clad ninja smirked. “I just did.”

“But,” Leonardo continued, taking his sweet time chewing his eggs, “I could swear I heard it even in my dreams.”

“What?” Raph turned at him, puffing. “You can’t just change sides like that, that’s not fair, Leo.”

“I just did,” he mimicked him.

Donatello and Michelangelo high-fived when Raphael gaped at him. “That’s a low blow.”

Leonardo chuckled, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, Raphael, I’m just kidding. I heard nothing.” And Donatello also couldn’t, his room was too far. But there was no point in saying that as they all knew already.

“Traitor,” Mikey mumbled.

“Children,” Splinter sighed, rubbing his eyes. “My sons, it’s too early for you to argue about something like this.”

“Sorry, Sensei,” they all said in unison and Leonardo was almost surprised at how easy and natural that was. They had to say this phrase a lot, he mused, far from surprised.

They ate in silence, fulfilling ther father’s unspoken request. Leonardo used the moment to just watch his family, silently studying their movements. The twitch of tail, the stretch of muscles when Michelangelo secretely fed Klunk under the table. It felt like rereading a book you read few years ago; the longer he was in their mere presence, the familiar everything felt, the more he _knew_.

It was making him wonder how could he forget them in the first place. They were the most important people in his whole life, they were his brothers and father. Talking with them, eating with them, just being with them, it felt so right. It made him happy and whole, he felt like nothing else than his family mattered.

What the shell made him forget them?

_In this life, we only have each other. If one of us goes down, we all go down._

He froze with fork halfway to his mouth, staring ahead without actually seeing anything. He had no idea where that thought came from but the words felt important. Had one of his brothers said them, or perhaps their father?

No, no, that didn’t sound right. Maybe he had said them? But when? And why?

Search, Leonardo. Focus and search, you can do it this time.

“Leo? Is everything alright?”

He quickly blinked couple of times, Donatello’s voice bringing him back to reality. Slowly, he lowered the fork, seeing that they were all looking at him with concern. “Yeah, sorry, I was only lost in thoughts.”

No one looked convinced, but they nodded anyway. “Alrig –”

Sudden ringing interrupted the turtle mid word and Leonardo was on his feet immediately, swords in hands. And didn’t _that_ feel good, the automatic reaching out making more sense than ever. The katanas fit in his hands and he felt prepared for any possible danger.

His eyes roved around the room but there was no one. He flinched a little when Splinter put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down, my son. There is no danger.”

“It’s just shell cell,” Donatello said quickly, holding the ringing phone so he could see it. “April’s calling,” he added nervously as he accepted the call.

Leonardo wanted to facepalm. Getting startled by a phone, really? He sheathed the swords, watching Donatello together with the others.

“Hey, April,” Don started, looking at Leonardo. “No, you’re not disturbing. Wait a second, I’ll get you on speaker.”

 _“Hey guys.”_ Her voice was gentle and carefull and Leonardo went stiff, watching the shell cell like a hawk. _“Listen, I know it’s probably not the best time yet, but me and Casey would like to come to the lair.”_

They looked at each other, then at the still frozen eldest turtle. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea,” Raph answered.

“Casey promised he’d leave his gear at home.” Not she sounded almost desperate. “We just –”

“Let them.”

“ _What_?” The turtles looked at Leonardo, shocked to hear this.

Leonardo didn’t move, didn’t crouch under their looks. He stood straight and his breathing was regular as he tried to suppress the mild panic in his mind. “Let them come,” he repeated. “You said they are good – and I trust you.” Obviously, there was something more going on with the two humans. His brothers talked about them with the same love and respect they have for each other. There had to be a meaning and he had quite the idea what it was.

 _“We would never hut you, Leo.”_ Even through the phone, April’s voice was shaking like she was close to tears. _“I promise.”_

The hand still resting on his shoulder was now squeezing him. “Are you sure you want to do this, Leonardo?” Splinter asked quietly, staring into his eyes.

Leo didn’t budge under his father’s stare. “Yes, Sensei. I want to remember. I want to be _back_ and if I have to fight for that, well, so be it.”

Raph laughed, clasping his other shoulder. “That’s the spirit, Fearless.”

Once again the nickname. He will have to ask about it later, although he started to understand it, so he just smiled at his brother.

“Well, you heard it, April,” Mikey announced.

 _“I did. We’ll be there in twenty.”_ With that, she ended the call and the kitchen fell into silence.

“It’ll be okay, Leo,” Mikey assured him softly.

“I know.” He wouldn’t accept anything else.

After all, two nights earlier he had eneded up in the alleyway where Casey and April were, and if he knew something for sure, it was that coincidences like that just didn’t happed on their own. His subconscious led him there and that was why his brothers found him, so he was sure everything will be all right.

It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll tell you a secret. I had a plan. I had written down what was supposed to happen in chapters – you know, like a responsible writer.  
> I threw the plan out of my window when I wrote chapter five and I still couldn’t get to the plot that was supposed to happen in chapter two. (And. WE STILL AREN’T THERE.)  
> I hate chapter-planning. Never in my life have I followed it. And I tried. xD


	9. Save Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah. I couldn’t keep my word AGAIN, how surprising. Here’s some fluff.

_Breathe in, hold for three seconds, breathe out. Repeat._

_Stay calm, but aware. They are not enemies, they are your friends. They mean a lot to your brothers and you trust them._

_Not every humans want to kill you, stop being so paranoid._

“You sure you want to do this, Leo?” Mikey asked worriedly.

Raph nodded. “Ya don’t have to. We can wait.”

He just smiled at them. “I’d have to talk to them at some point, there’s no need to postpone it.” And who knows, maybe if he sees and talks to them properly this time, he will remember. Even if it would be unfair if he remembered humans before his own brothers.

The red-clad turtle huffed. “Shell, why couldn’t you forget your stubbornness?”

Leonardo grinned at him widely, but it was Donatello who spoke up: “I’m really glad he didn’t. Otherwise I’d have to explain Casey every day why exactly they can’t come.” And he would also be still stuck in Nevada, probably. But he didn’t say that aloud.

Raphael looked like he was about to say something but changed his mind. “I see your point.”

“Besides,” Mikey chipped in, “Leo without his stubbornness is like Raph without his anger issues.”

Just as expected, Raph smacked him instantly. “’Scuse me, I don’t have anger issues. Come here, I’ll show ya some anger –”

Mikey giggled as he quickly dodged, screaming loudly. He shoved Don closer to Leonardo and hid behind them, clinging to them both. “Save me!”

But both older turtles just looked at each other and together parted, creating a straight way for Raphael. He didn’t hesitate for a second and tackled Michelangelo to the ground, the youngest screaming effiminately and exagerratedly. “Help! Help!”

Donatello and Leonardo stood few feet away, laughing at their two brothers. But the moment was over too soon when the eldest turtle heard silent whirring. He turned, recognizing the elevator they had showed him yesterday. He forced himself to stay relaxed and not reach out for his swords, although his stance became more wary and he was ready to flee to the shadows or fight, that depended on what would be wiser at the moment.

His brothers must have heard it, too, because Raph and Mikey stopped fighting and rushed to him. Don laid a hand on his shell, the touch reassuring.

The elevator door opened and two humans walked out, looking just as nervous as Leonardo felt. This time there was no bat in Casey’s hands, and they were also more dressed for the occasion. “Hey, guys,” April smiled, holding a box in one hand. “We brought cookies.”

“She bakes when she’s stressed,” Casey hummed, much to April’s displeasure. 

“Cookies!” Mikey abandoned his position next to Leonardo, gladly taking the box from April. “Thanks, April!”

She smiled at him kindly. “You’re welcome. You know you just have to ask.”

Then they were looking at him, the moment a little awkward. But Leonardo gathered all the courage he had and stepped closer. “Hi. I’m… sorry for what happened. And I’m also glad I can meet you properly this time.” They stared at him again and his assuredness wavered when he saw the tears in April’s eyes. “I – had I done something wrong?”

“Oh god, no,” she shook her head, smiling at him shakily. “It’s just… it’s so good to see you again, Leo.”

Casey nodded. “Yeah. We thought that ya – well…”

“I understand,” he said, slightly uncomfortable. His disappearence must have done more damage than he thought. “And I’m sorry if I worried you.”

April laughed, the sound a little hysterical. “You’re definitely our Leo,” she mumbled. “I’m April O’Niel and he is Casey Jones. I’m not sure what you remember, so…”

“Not much,” he admitted after a while, which didn’t cover it _at all_. “But I won’t run away this time, don’t worry.”

“Hey man, sorry about that.” Casey scratched his hair. “I didn’t mean to scare ya, I didn’t think.”

Raph snorted. “What’s new?”

Michelangelo elbowed him. “Like you two were different.”

Leonardo just rolled his eyes, not paying attention to his brothers’ antics. “It’s all right,” he said calmly, meaning it. “You couldn’t know.”

“As I said earlier,” April smiled at him, voice adamant but soft, “we won’t hurt you. We would never hurt you, Leo.”

“I trust you.” He knew she was telling him the truth, he heard it in her urgent tone, saw it in her pleading eyes. Although something in him still wanted to hiss and draw his swords, his other inctincts, the ones that made him go to New York, were telling him that these two aren’t dangerous. Not for him, at least.

And he saw how they acted towards his brothers. The look in April’s eyes was so soft and gentle when she talked to Mikey, no hate or disgust, just concern and something almost like a motherly love. Casey, on the other hand, was standing and leaning closer to Raphael and it looked like these two had quite strong bond between themselves. If what Mikey had said about the two being similar to each other was true, it would make sense.

That was the main reason he knew they weren’t dangerous. His brothers didn’t react violently in any way. They weren’t tense, they didn’t hide anything, even Splinter was fully relaxed and stood close to them just because they were friends, not because he was afraid they would try something.

Both humans looked pleased with his statement. “Thank you, Leo,” April breathed out.

“Yeah. I’ll try not to do somethin’ stupid again,” added Casey guiltily.

Leonardo shook his head. It wasn’t stupid. If anything, it was just misunderstanding. As he said, they couldn’t know he didn’t remember anything, just as he couldn’t know they knew him (and not in the ‘I want to kill you so I can hang your shell on display in my living room’ way). 

“Here, Leo,” Mikey hopped to him before the silence could get uncomfortable and awkward again, handing him one chocolate cookie. “Try it. Amnesia has its pros when you can try April’s cookies for the first time again.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Mikey,” he chuckled but accepted the cookie nevertheless. He eyed it for a second, his first instinct to look for poison or anaesthetic. Donatello noticed his hesitation, so he snatched one cookie for himself and took a bite. Slightly ashamed for his behavior, Leonardo finally followed his brother’s example. The whole exchange was too quick for anyone who wasn’t a ninja to notice. “Oh, wow. This is delicious.”

Truth to be told, it was the first sweet thing he had eaten since he could remember, but he didn’t complain at all. The taste was really amazing.

“I’m glad you like it, Leo,” April tittered.

They moved to the living room, Mikey and Leonardo automatically sitting on the floor. Leonardo squirmed a little under the humans’ gazes that were not as subtle as they thought. “Is something wrong?” he asked eventually.

Thinking twice about the question, maybe he should have asked what wasn’t wrong.

They flinched and immediately looked away. “No,” April mumbled. “It’s just that you look different, you know? You’re thinner and have way too many new scars. I can’t – what _happened_ to you, Leo?”

He forced himself ot breathe evenly. “I wish I knew. I remember nothing except from waking up in the desert in Nevada and travelling here.”

That wasn’t the exact truth, you see, but it was close enough. After all, it wasn’t like he really knew who the man in his dream or Karai were, he only knew he didn’t like them and that they were dangerous.

April furrowed her brow. “Nevada?”

“Nevada, yeah,” Donatello agreed. “We think – Leo, can I…?”

It took him a second to figure out what he was asking, but when it clicked, Leo nodded, smiling at his brother. “Go on, Don.”

Having his permission, Donatello continued: “We think Bishop had him. Right now it’s the most likely explanation. And knowing that, I think you can image how Leo got the scars. Just… just be glad you didn’t see the RTG scans.” His brilliant brother shifted, face pale, and Leonardo shuffled closer to him, lying one hand on his in silent comfort.

Combination of quiet sob and angry yell drew his attention back to the two humans and Leonardo flinched, but to his own surprise stayed on the floor and didn’t even pull out his sword. He watched, completely still, as Casey stood up with fists raised and teeth gritted.

Raphael nearly jumped at him. “Calm down, Case!” he hissed, locking his arm in tight hold.

“When I get my hands on Bishop I swear I’ll –”

Good to know that the anger wasn’t targeted towards him. That made him relax, even though he stayed cautious.

“I think everyone here wants to kill agent Bishop, mister Jones.” Splinter laid a strong hand on Casey’s shoulder. “But Leonardo’s recovery is our main concern, so please calm down.”

The man took a deep breath. “Right. Sorry, Master Splinter. Sorry, Leo.”

“It’s alright,” he assured him, all muscles tense. “Just… no abrupt moves or shouts, please.”

He didn’t know what to expect from his surroundings, which was why he was so on egde all the time. He had counted three enemies this far – Karai, Bishop and that man from the dream, because something told him that someone called “agent Bishop” wouldn’t wear metal armor. Anything could happen, he didn’t know what was anyone _capable of_.

So no, he didn’t like sudden actions.

“You alright, Fearless?” Raph asked gently as he let go of Casey and they sat down again. “I can take care of this moron if ya want.”

“No. No, it’s alright, Raphael,” he repeated. Knowing that his brothers were there to help and protect him had he needed it was comforting and heart-warming, although maybe a little worrying as well. He didn’t want them to get hurt while protecting him, the thought itself was making him sick.

He frowned. No, there was no way he would let that happen. That was definitely out of question.

Michelangelo rubbed his shell. “You sure, Leo?” he asked, baby blue eyes wide with worry. “You looked like you weren’t with us.”

“I’m sure, Michelangelo. I was merely lost in thoughts, don’t worry.”

The youngest turtle nodded. “Okay. Here, have another cookie, they’re good for calming down. And April was right when she said you’re thinner.”

“Didn’t Donatello say –”

“Don’t use my words as arguments,” Donatello jabbed him in the side with his bō, the touch barely noticable. “Mikey’s right, so be good older brother and do what your younger siblings say.”

Leonardo laughed. “Now I can’t argue with that logic, can I?” he said rhetorically, eating the cookie as he was told.

_Definitely not allowing them to get hurt while protecting him._

He had hurt them enough. As Don said, he was the older brother – the eldest, actually. He was supposed to protect _them_ , not letting it be the exact opposite. If listening to his brothers and doing what they wanted was the only thing he could do to soothe their worries, well, why shouldn’t he do it?

“But I have a question.” That got their attention quicker than one would manage to say cookie. “How exactly do we know you?” Leonardo pointed at the two humans. “Don’t get me wrong, but… the only people I’ve met tried to kill me. How is it that you aren’t afraid of us?” How it is that they were their friends, that they obviously didn’t think of them as monsters or trophies?

Casey snorted. “When I first met Raph, we beat each other, then he crashed a bike into me and then we all beated the living hell out of Purple Dragons.”

Leonardo blinked slowly. “I don’t know why, but this doesn’t sound surprising at all.”

“Hey!” Both Casey and Raph protested.

He grinned at them, then became more serious. “And Purple Dragons are…?”

“Just a street gang,” Don explained. “They’re not exactly dangerous.”

Even less surprising. “And you, April?”

“You saved me from my evil ex-boss and his killer robots.”

Closing his eyes this time, Leo took a deep breath. “All right. That’s completely normal in our lives, I guess.” Was there anything in their lives that didn’t include violence?

Probably not. They were ninjas, after all. 

He opened his eyes, almost afraid to ask. “How… how long do we know each other?”

They looked at each other and Casey took April’s hand in his when she answered: “About three years.”

Three years. That was a long time to stick around with someone like them, mutants. He hung his head, breathing deeply. “I… I’m sorry I can’t remember you. Any of you.” He had said that already, was scolded for apologizing, but it didn’t matter because he meant it. “I wish I could.”

“You will, my son,” his father said calmly. “Healing takes time.”

Mikey nuzzled closer to him, leaning against his carapace. “And we’ll help you. We can tell you stories from our lives if you want. It helped last time.”

He frowned. “Last time?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Raph said too quickly, but Leonardo let it be for this time.

“Alright. That sounds nice.” He wanted to know about _before_. He needed to know and if he couldn’t remember on his own, maybe listening about what happened in their lives could help.

“Sweet!” Mikey jumped on his feet, running to the kitchen. “Stay here. Cookies are nice, but we need something better for this.”

Donatello sighed. “Mikey, it’s not even ten in the morning. Please tell me you’re not making popcorn.”

“I’m not?” he called innocently.

Raphael facepalmed. “We’ll be talking about our life, not watching a movie, shell fer brains.”

“Same difference, Raphie.”

The eldest turtle shook his head but said nothing. Then they heard a loud crash coming from the kitchen, the heavy pots and pans clanking together. He froze, the sound resonating in his head as everything else faded away.

He wasn’t at home anymore.

Leonardo screamed.


	10. Messed Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m once again at this point of my life when writing is one of the two things keeping me alive. I wish I was kidding. I know you probably don’t care about my whining but I just wanted to tell you that I really appreciate all the support you’re giving me by reading and commenting my fics. It means a lot. <3

_The chains around his wrists and ankles were tightening with every move, slowly digging into his skin and flesh. He tried to get out, he used every single technique he was taught but the shackles were bound firmly._

_Their constant clanking was mocking him. He hated it, hated the reminder that he can’t get out, that he’s too weak to fight._

_He wasn’t sure what was worse, the rattling, the voices, or the pain?_

_Pain. The pain… it came in all shapes. Sometimes it was dull, sometimes sharp, sometimes he could feelt it all over his body, other times it was just inside his head._

_They were creative. Unpredictable. Just like ninja._

_Just like he was supposed to be._

_They were mocking him._

_The pain, the clacking. Wave after wave, the sounds kept coming. How long was he listening to the clanging? How long were they watching him, silently studying his reactions?_

_How long were they listening to his screams?_

_Another wave of pounding that went resonating through his head, another desperate flinch in an attempt to get away from that sound and the pain, another burning as the metal chains sank deep into his body and his own blood soaked his skin, slowly flowing down his forearms, his feet._

_He screamed._

“Leo! Leo, you have to snap out of it!”

_Voices? No, that wasn’t right. There weren’t supposed to be voices in this session, only the banging and deriding clanking._

“Leo, listen. Whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real.”

“You’re safe, Leo.”

_Leo? This wasn’t right. Only few people called him Leo and they certainly wasn’t here. They were not supposed to be here, so why was he hearing their voices?_

_They promised. They promised no one else will get hurt, they promised they will leave them alone. He did everything they wanted, so why were they here with him?_

“Don, what do we do? What do we do?”

“We have to ground him.”

_He felt hands on his body. No, no, no, what was happening? Why were they changing the session? Why he kept hearing the voices? He was sure they didn’t inject anything in him this time, he should be here alone._

“It’s not helpin’!”

_This was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong –_

_He screamed again, trying to drown out the unbecoming voices, the mocking rattling, the pain convulsing his body. Why was everything so loud?_

“Fight it, Fearless!”

_He wasn’t fearless. Not here._

“Leo, please.”

_But their voices were louder than his own._

“Come back to us, aniki.”

_Aniki. An elder brother. One he was supposed to be._

_This wasn’t right. They couldn’t be here with him, yet he felt their gentle hands on his shell and arms, heard their concerned voices._

_“Burazāzu.” His own words were nothing more than a whisper. “My brothers… where are my brothers?”_

_He wasn’t sure who he was asking._

“We’re right here, Leo.” _Mikey._

“And we’re not going anywhere.” _Raph._

_No… no. They couldn’t be here with him. That was wrong._

“We’re home, Leo. You’re home with us.” _Don._

_His genius brother was always right. He had trust in his words, but…_

“You’re safe, aniki. You hear us? Focus on us.”

“Don’t let this defeat you.”

“Use your stubbornness and drag your mind back to us.”

He blinked, the bright light and white ceiling slowly sweeping away from his sight. Instead three familiar figures replaced it. He wasn’t screaming anymore, yet he was out of his breath. He inhaled maybe a little too sharply, but he couldn’t care less.

“You with us, Leo?” That was Raph, voice surprisingly soft and low. Tender.

His knees buckled under his weight and if it weren’t for his brothers who immediately caught him, he would for sure fall over.

“Easy, Leo,” Mikey murmured.

He shook his head, the echo of the clanking disappearing completely. “No, it’s – I’m okay.”

He heard them sigh. “Just take it slow,” Don said as they helped him sit down on tle floor once again. He didn’t remember standing up, it must have happened while his mind was elsewhere. “Focus on your breathing.”

That was a task he could follow. He found it quite easy to set his mind on something and focus, especially when he knew he has to calm down. _Focusing_ was a trained move, just like stealth or combat. Also, breathing sounded nice, if only becuase he could breathe freely now.

It didn’t take him long to understand what had happened. His brothers’ closeness helped a lot. It wasn’t invading, quite the opposite. It was comforting, their presence was grounding him.

As soon as he calmed down enough to at least think properly, he bowed his head and closed his eyes as embarrassment from freaking out took all over him. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

There was multiple groaning. “Not this again,” Raph growled.

Mikey nodded, clutching Leonardo’s arm. “If anything, I should be the one saying sorry. I knew sudden sounds are off-limits…”

“It’s not your fault,” he objected immediately. “I mean it, Michelangelo. You couldn’t know something like pots rattling will set off some memories.”

“About that…” Don started hesitantly. “Leo, can I ask… can you tell us what did you see?”

He flinched a little, his breath hitching, and their grip on him tightened. They weren’t willing to let go of him yet and he was silently glad for that.“Ya don’t have to tell us,” Raph assured him quickly, but upon hearing that he only wanted to tell them more. Because they deserved to know, as they had to deal with him losing his mind.

_Get it together, Leonardo. Look how worried they are._

They stayed with him, no matter how embarrassing this whole situation was. They were the ones who brought him back. Their words, their touches, their desperation. It was all there, he heard it, he felt it as they called him back to them. He needed them just as much as they needed him, and when his mind brought him back to the strange room – filled with loud sounds and blood and so much pain – it were his brothers who made him realize where he really is.

So he held his head when he finally answered. Not because he was proud for overcoming his fear and the pain the flashback caused him, if anything he felt stupid for panicking over some clanking and getting them all worried. Oh not, it was because he wanted – no, he needed to see their faces, needed to look them in their eyes and know that the truth won’t harm them.

“Chains,” Leonardo said softly, his words crashing through the silent lair like a thunder. “The clanking reminded me of chains. Shackles.”

There was no need to say more. He didn’t mention the deafening banging as they already looked murderous and tormented enough. He didn’t need to worry them with memories he himself couldn’t make sense of. At least, he didn’t need to worry them _more_.

They all winced when a quiet growl resounded suddenly, instantly looking in the direction where the sound came from. And if Leonardo thought that his brothers looked ready to strike, it was nothing in comparsion with the fury he saw in Splinter’s eyes.

The four turtles stared at him, completely frozen. He was sure he wasn’t the only one startled by their father’s reaction and, upon seeing he had frightened them all, Splinter bowed his head. “I apologize for scaring you, my sons.” Carefully, he stepped closer to them, and when no one tried to stop him, Splinter kneeled before Leonardo, taking his hands: “It is that I could sense your aura darken, Leonardo, and I am so incredibly sorry you had to go through all of that torture and torment. I wish this never happened.”

Leonardo smiled at him, doing his best to control his heartbeat and breathing. “It changes nothing,” he said calmly. “My memories will return and I think many of them won’t be pleasant, but it still changes nothing. The important thing is that I’m here with you and I don’t plan on going anywhere, I promise.”

“This is so messed up,” Mikey whispered urgently. “Why’re _you_ comforting _us_ when you’re the one who just had a flashback of being tortured?” 

Because he was aniki, he was the eldest and they spent four months in fear and without any knowledge about where he went. They had already suffered, but as if it wasn’t enough he had to make recovery even more complicated with his memory loss.

Raphael promply smacked Michelangelo upside his head. “Ya want him to have another, or what?”

“It’s alright,” Leonardo chuckled and they both stopped to look at him. “Really. And to answer your question, Mikey: you did calm me. You snapped me out of this and that’s enough.”

But his voice wavered at the end, only a little but they noticed. “What it is, Leo?” April asked and only the fact that Splinter was still holding his hands stopped him from reaching for his katanas. Shell, he had completely forgotten they were here with them.

_Talk about being a ninja._

“What’s wrong?” Donatello asked, observant green eyes hurriedly searching in his face.

He shook his head, shaking off their hands. “Nothing.”

“Leo, I know the memory can’t be nice but please, don’t hide things from us,” the purple-masked turtle insisted.

“I’m not hiding anything, Donatello,” he assured him. “It’s nothing more than a feeling. You helped me realize where I’m because there was no way you’d be there with me, you know?”

The mere thought felt wrong, and although he didn’t remember what exactly happened to him, he knew he would rather go through it all again then allowed his family to get hurt with him.

“I swear I’d tell you if there was something else, Don. Can we move on now, please?” Leonardo prompted, hoping they would agree. “Possibly forget that this happened? Because you promised telling stories if I recall correctly, and I’d love to have some good memories, too.”

He waited impatiently, staring at them as he silently hoped they wouldn’t see through his lies. After all, being a good liar consisted in telling both the truth and the lie for it to be convincing. And he did tell him the important things, he merely left out some minor details.

Like who were ‘them’ from the flashback. Or how he knew the momenets of torture were called sessions, but couldn’t remember how many he had gone through or what they were like. 

He will have to look deeper into his memories. Later, when he’s alone in his room.

Righ now, Leonardo had more pressing things to worry about, like moving on with conversation and getting the attention off of himself, or at least off the unpleasant flashback.

“Ya know, Leo’s right,” Casey said thoughtfully, his voice slowly changing to eager. He grinned at him. “And I’d love to hear some stories, too. Embarrassing, preferably. For future blackmail.”

Raph rolled his eyes. “Yeah, bonehead, ’cause that counts as good memories,” he snorted sarcastically.

“I never said _Leo_ has to be the one embarrassed.”

“What about stories that don’t humilate anyone?” April suggested.

Don smiled at her. “I second that.”

“Glad we can agree.” Leonardo shifted, changing his seat so he had his legs folded under himself. “Mikey, what about that popcorn, hm?”

Michelangelo’s eyes widened. Frightened, he bolted out, running to the kitchen. “Oh snap, I completely forgot about that – phew, it’s okay guys, the microwave get my back, it stopped!” he informed them and they chuckled lightly because they if anything was burning, they would notice it already.

Slowly, Raph and Don retreated from Leonardo, returning to their seats. Splinter was the last one to left. He gave him a look, signifying that they will talk about it later, and Leonardo sighed silently. He was glad they were at least able to move on, if they didn’t want to forget.

He used the stir Mikey’s return caused to quickly look at Casey, shooting him faint smile as a thank you for what he had done. The man only waved his hand vaguely as if nothing happened, but for Leonardo it meant a lot.

Maybe humans weren’t that bad after all.


	11. Leader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly – thank you so much for everything, guys. For your reading and kudos and comments and support and just everything. Thank you. 
> 
> Secondly – I had this brilliant idea and I can’t wait to include it in the story. I laughed for ten minutes straight because the thing I came up with is so PAINFUL for Leo... hehehe.

Klunk found his way to Leonardo’s lap even before they started talking. While Mikey sat down (and Raph nearly strangled him to get him closer, muttering something about the youngest always seizing the popcorn for himself), something wet and rough nudged into Leonardo’s hand and in the next second the cat was lying on the turtle’s knees.

Peripherally, he saw that his family stopped moving, but Leo merely scratched Klunk under his chin, and when the cat purred, he continued scratching his fur, the easy movement calming his mind.

“I feel betrayed,” Mikey announced, voice flat.

Raph snickered. “Klunk’s a new favorite.”

The blue-masked turtle looked up, trying to see if his brother was angry, but the only thing he got were their wide grins. So he grinned back and cotinued petting the cat, fully content after knowing he’s allowed to.

“Okay, so, who will start?” Michelangelo asked, on the floor moving away a little from Raphael but staying close so he could reach the bowl. “Because I totally can.”

But to his surprise, Splinter shook his head. “I will start. I have many stories from when you were much, much younger, stories I recall very fondly.”

April jerked her head towards him, huge smile on her face. “Awesome. I love hearing about your childhood, guys. It sounds like you were cute babies.”

As once, the turtles groaned. Amnesia or not, even Leonardo didn’t want to hear about being a ‘cute baby’, that was just weird. Splinter chuckled at their loud display. “They were,” he comfirmed. Then, after a brief pause, added: “Most of the time, at least.”

“That sounds gross,” Mikey mumbled.

Raph reached out for him but stopped his hand mid-air, then crossed them over his plastron. “I can’t even hit ya ’cause you’re right.”

Their Sensei sighed. “They may be older, but they are still children,” he said to their human friends, indirectly reprimanding his sons.

“Sorry, Master Splinter,” they both replied instantly.

He nodded, satisfied. “Alright. Let us begin, then. I always knew my sons love water. It is not surprising, after all. But for years, in times when we were unable to go topside, it was quite a struggle. I do not know how many times I had to force them out of the cold, dirty water in the sewers. It seemed that no matter its content, they only saw an opportunity to swim.”

“Eww.” Casey grimaced. “Like, I know ya ain’t living exactly somewhere clean, but _still_.”

The turtles only shrugged. “Let’s just say we’re glad we are mutants,” Don observed. “If we weren’t, we probably wouldn’t survive in this environment.”

Mikey chuckled, carefree. “But hey, it’s home. Honestly, I can’t imagine… not living here.”

“What he says,” Raph agreed.

Splinter smiled at his sons. Although the rat was slightly saddened at the reminder that his sons couldn’t have normal lives like humans topside, it warmed his heart to know that they liked what they had. “You can imagine how unsettling this was for me. Even though their natural ability to swim made scavenging much easier, I still didn’t like to turn over and see my sons in the water, especially after rains when the seweres were flooded.”

April laughed. “They’re just natural troublemakers, aren’t they?”

“Yes, very much.” When they grinned, Splinter gave his sons another significant look and they crouched and at least tried to look innocent. “But as it is, swimming had always been one of the few things Leonardo and me argued over. It seemed that when it came to water, all the obedience and good manners my son has disappeared.”

Casey blinked and April tilted her head to one side, both humans shocked. “Really?”

Donatello giggled. “You have no idea. Mikey’s the fastest on the ground but in the water, no one can equal Leo.”

The eldest turtle flushed a little upon hearing the pride in Don’s voice, his gaze firmly locked on Klunk. He blinked as images filled his head, the memory quick but clear.

_His brothers were soaked in water, glaring at him from distance. Yet there was something in their stances that made it obvious they weren’t mad. Leonardo himself was relaxed, his shoulders shaking with laughter. Warmth spread from his heart as he lifted the hose, about to splash them with water once more._

The memory couldn’t last longer than three seconds. Leonardo blinked again and looked up, but luckily no one noticed his momentary stiffness. No one apart from Klunk, who merely pawed at him to resume the scratching. Shaking his head slightly, he returned his attention to Splinter.

“I was reluctant,” the rat continued, “but as years went on, it was evident that they need to swim more. Or, in better words, somewhere else. Finally, I gave up to their pleading and took them topside to the near river.

“It didn’t take me long to realize it was a good idea. We went at night as it was less likely for people to see us, but eventually I found out all my worries were pointless. My sons were loud, yes, but no one was around, so I let them have their fun. So when they were suddenly silent, I immediately noticed.

“I could not find them anywhere. I searched and searched, I tried calling them, but no answer came. Finally, I stepped into the river, my desperation made me forget my own displeasure to water. I knew they were close, I still sensed their presence, yet they were nowhere to found.”

“What?” April asked. Then she saw the three turtles shift as if they were trying to hide. “What did they do?”

“My sons decided to test how long they can stay underwater,” Splinter told her, deadpan. “Without informing me first. Almost ten minutes I searched for them in the dark before Michelangelo emerged from the water, closely followed by his brothers. They looked at me as if nothing happened and excitedly asked how long were they holding their breath. But once they realized I wasn’t aware of their actions, they started arguing. I must admit that I completely forgot to be angry when I saw Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello team up against Leonardo as they tried to convince him it was his fault as the eldest.”

Raph grinned. “Well he _is_ supposed to be the responsible one. Always was.”

“That’s why Leo’s the leader,” Don hummed affirmatively.

Said turtle nearly choked on the popcorn they were all eating while Splinter talked. “I’m _what_?” he blurted out, much to their amusement. But that was not possible, that _couldn’t_ be.

“I never though I’d see Fearless look _that_ panicked over leadership,” Raph snickered, pointing a finger at him. “What gives, Leo?”

He looked at him, blue eyes wide, unusual uncertainity and confusion written in his face. “What do you mean, leader?”

“Exactly what you think,” Mikey answered. “We’re team, dude, and you’re our leader. No biggie.”

Rolling his eyes, Donatello pulled at the tails of Michelangelo’s mask, making him squeak. “Listen, Leo. Raph and Mikey are right. You’re not only our eldest brother, you’re also the leader of our team.”

The blue-masked turtle shook his head. “Maybe I was, but now –”

“Now you still are,” Don interrupted him. “The amnesia doesn’t affect your ability to lead. We know you, Leonardo, and you’re still the same. Nothing’s changed.”

“He’s right, ya know,” Raph told him quickly, voice low. “You’re still our Fearless Leader.”

“That’s cute, Raph.” Casey grinned, not managing to dodge the elbow the red-masked turtle sent in his ribs. “Ow.”

“Can it, bonehead,” Raph growled.

Mikey shifted closer to him, putting one hand on Leonardo’s knee. “Really, Leo. We need you both as our brother and as our leader. We’re kinda… unable to work without your orders.” The three turtles grimaced at each other, remembering all the arguments they had while topside. “I swear we’re lucky no big threat came.”

Leonardo said nothing, teeth clenched tightly. His eyes roved from brother to brother, his hesitation obvious. The visible insecurity was a shock to them, as Leonardo could control his emotions better than anyone else. It made the others nervous as no one – except Splinter – was used to seeing Leo so open and vulnerable. His role as a leader was his pride, _being_ leader was an important part of his whole personality that no one could take away from him, no matter what.

So, spurred by their own need to convince their eldest brother that they really needed him, the three turtles started talking. They told Leo about their missions against Pupler Dragons or the Foot Clan, about their rambles as children when they explored the sewers, about the times when Leo’s quick decisions and steady leads saved their lives. (Many of the stories left Splinter staring at the ground, breathing deeply to avoid lashing out at his sons for their recklessness and antics. Some things were better left unknown to the parents.)

Then even Casey joined in, sharing his own point of view, and finally, finally Leo gave up to their unspoken pleas, nodding, promising that he’ll try to fit in the role like nothing changed. And _there_ was the familiar fire in his eyes, the determination in his heart to not let his family down. There was the Leo they know, and as he himself looked at the encouraging smiles they gave him, he once again felt like he found another missing part of himself.

Leonardo wasn’t sure if he deserved their trust, but shell, was it so _amazing_ to know they believed not only him, but _in him_ as well. The sensation was so overhwelming it took him by surprise and completely paralyzed him for a while.

Just then, when Raph was narrating how they went topside only to get caught in a huge storm that nearly prevented them from getting home, another quick memory came.

_Four cloaked figures dancing all over him. Through the pouring rain he couldn’t see anything, yet he relentlessly fought back. He was loosing the grip on his swords, he felt it. He won’t last any longer, he knew it. He lifted his head, staring past the red blurs, locking his eyes with the heavy armored person._

“Leo?”

He let out a shaky breath, digging his fingers into Klunk’s fur to ground himself. He recognized the person, he saw the man in his dreams just this morning. He felt the fear and the exhaustion, he felt himself realize the _this is where it ends_ like if it was happening right now, not somewhere in the past.

“Leonardo?” This time, it was Don’s concerned voice.

“Can I be excused?” he asked because it seemed like the only logical possibility. His mind was a mess, to put it mildly, and he needed to get out before he freaks out again. He was sure he simply couldn’t stand losing his mind in their presence for the second time in such short time. He looked at Splinter, then at the two humans. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not that long since you came here and all but I…”

“It’s okay, Leo,” April assured him softly, smiling at him. “ We get it.”

Except they shouldn’t. He shifted his gaze to Splinter, not wanting to feel disrecpectful towards his own father. The rat was looking at him, brow wrinkled. He was stroking his “Go, Leonardo,” he said. “Rest your body and mind.”

“Thank you, Sensei,” Leonardo exhaled, bowing his head. Carefully, he put Klunk down, then bowed his head respectfully. “Sorry, everyone.”

“Leo, stop it,” Raph growled.

Mikey shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, dude. If you need it, just go.”

Don leaned over so he could rest a hand on his shoulder, squeezing tightly. “We understand, Leo.”

He opened his mouth to thank them but quickly changed his mind when they glared at him. Picking up all his remaining dignity, Leonardo stood up and made his way to his bedroom. Swiftly, but not enough for it to look like he was fleeing.

When he was out of their sight, Raphael sighed, hifing his face in his hands. “He had another flashback, didn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Don muttered. “This one was way shorter, though.”

Michelangelo groaned, petting Klunk who was looking in the direction Leo disappeared. “I just wish he’d tell us instead of hiding it.”

“He will tell us, my sons.” As always, Splinter sounded more than certain. “But healing takes time. He will come to us when he is ready.”

They could only hope that it will be sooner than later. 


End file.
